Purging...

Purging…

Wow.

It’s getting more and more real with each passing day.  I’ve reached the stage in my move where I have to actually start doing stuff.  I’m cleaning out closets, the garage, rooms, and I’m wondering, ‘how in the world did I accumulate so much JUNK?!’

I mean, seriously- this is just sad.  No ONE person needs this much crap.

Today, I’ve actually started packing.  Well, if I’m being totally honest, I’M not packing, my mom offered her help so she’s doing it while I’m at work.

I’m starting to disconnect services, I’ve turned in my resignation at work, and I’m starting to let doctors’ offices, etc. know my forwarding address.

Meanwhile, I’ve started cleaning out the garage- which up until now, has been full of what I affectionately refer to as, mystery boxes.  You know the boxes that you never unpack, you just keep moving them from place to place?  Yeah, I have about 8 of them.

In the process of purging, I’ve come across a plethora of stuff from my marriage.  I’ve been divorced almost as long as I was married.  This means that there are tons of financial documents that are over 10 years old that need to be shredded.

As you might imagine, this has stirred up some emotions.  It has also brought to mind, areas where I still need to exercise forgiveness and finally let go of some grief.  I’ve run across countless pictures and cards, and just sentimental mementos from my past.  I even ran across a box of the silk flowers used in my wedding.
I won’t even try to pretend like that wasn’t hard to come across.
I spent the better part of that afternoon sobbing in the garage as I once again, mourned over the death of my marriage.

Seven years.  You’d think in all that time, all of that pain, the grief, and the heart wounds would be all healed.  They obviously weren't.

One of the greatest lies in the history of mankind:

TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.

Huge lie.  In fact, if you think about it, time causes wounds to become infected and fester and can even lead to death if they are not treated properly enough to heal.

Time does not in fact, heal anything.  God is the ONLY One who can heal your heart wounds. 

Ever meet those people who have been divorced for decades and still talk about their ex like it just happened yesterday?  What about those who lost a loved one 40 years ago and still talk about them like they just saw them yesterday?
Yeah, they’re not healed.  Time won’t fix that, but God can.

We must let Him.

So, on that Sunday afternoon, I stood in my garage, and sobbed over the remnants of my broken marriage, the loss of my children, and the destruction that was born from our divorce.  I made a pile out of the papers that needed to be shredded and started sending out texts to different crafty people to see if anyone could use my flowers.

I also sent out a couple of texts to my people telling them I needed some healing for my broken heart.

Then, I brought my brokenness to the Lord.  I sobbed, I snotted, and I asked for answers.

“Why did my marriage have to be the one that failed?”
“Why did our dreams have to fall to dust?”
“Why is he allowed to move on and find love and make another marriage work, while it feels like he put no effort into ours?”
“Why does HE get to be happy with a companion and I’m here all alone?”

I would love to say that God answered all my questions with the perfect answers that put my heart at ease, but that’s not what happened.
Instead, He let sob, He let me ask, and He let me pour my heart out for as long as I needed to.

Then He showed me something – I had believed a lie.
I believed that my marriage to John was my only shot at having a good life with someone.

I had to realize that the truth is, God has someone out there who was made just for me.  He was going to take the pain and destruction and make it into something beautiful that glorified Him.
I had to let God heal my heart.
I have to trust in His promises to me.

It has been so evident that He is closing the door to this chapter in my life and opening a whole room of possibility for me in Wisconsin.

I honestly don’t know what will happen there – I don’t know who I will meet there – and I most certainly do not know what God’s plan is.  I do know that it is good and it is HIS best for me.

I go through a roller-coaster of emotions on a daily basis right now because this is all so overwhelming; but the one that is becoming more and more evident- EXCITEMENT!! I cannot wait to really start this adventure!

My last day at work is the 24^th and I leave town on the 30^th.  I’ll be breaking the trip up into 2 days because it’s just too far to make in one day pulling a trailer.

I will be posting to my blog much more regularly and keeping all my people updated that way.
Yes, I will be keeping The Facebook and my phone number for those that have it.  For those that buy from me, I will still be doing Scentsy- it will just be shipped to your house now instead of mine.

Your prayers and encouragement are more appreciated that you’ll ever know.  I have been overwhelmed by the amount of love that has been shown to me over the last couple of weeks.  I will always be a Texas girl (I will NOT be a Cheese-head) and I am actually looking forward to experiencing a Wisconsin winter (seriously, have you seen me sweat? It’s not pretty and definitely not sexy).

I seriously have the BEST people in the world and I am excited to be expanding my territory because I KNOW that Wisconsin needs more TEXAS goodness.  I mean, after all, God blessed Texas.

Be blessed y’all!
Pamela

I can be reached at:

Email: BeautifulChaos2010@hotmail.com

Website:www.ACreativeWord.com

Didn't See This Coming!!

“For I am about to do something new.

See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?”

Isaiah 43:19

“He lets me rest in green meadows;

he leads me beside peaceful streams.”

Psalm 23:2

Today- I am trusting God with what I do not see, what my mind cannot comprehend, and what my heart knows is right.

God is calling me to something higher and once again, into unknown territory.

My absolute heart’s desire:

I want what God wants, no matter what it looks like; because I know that what He wants for me is far better than anything I could ever want for myself.

A couple of months ago, God began speaking to me about how a drastic change was coming to my life.  I won’t pretend like this is not a struggle for me because it is.  God is starting to put into motion this great change and at times it’s both exciting and nerve-racking. 

I am moving to Rice Lake, Wisconsin at the end of this month.

Uh- who moves there on purpose?! I do, apparently.

God is calling me there- I have some friends there that some of you know, Lisa and Charles, and I am going there to be mentored by Lisa and be a ministry partner with her and Charles.

I trust God with my whole heart- I know He is for me and He has only good things for me.

I find myself trying to plan out every little detail – which is both a strength and a hindrance.  God gave me the gift of being able to plan to the last detail, this has served me well in most areas, however, when it comes to recklessly trusting God, it creates anxiety.  Anxiety is not from God, worry is not from God, and fear most definitely is not from God.  I will say this, I am excited and terrified all at the same time, however, I am NOT fearful.  In fact, just the opposite, I have a huge joy and peace about what God is doing.

About the time I have a good plan laid down, the circumstances change (the calling does not) and I’m once again placed in a position where I have to blindly trust God.  I have to go back and re-read all the things that God has spoken to me, to reassure myself that I’m exactly where God wants me and I’m heading in the direction that He has ordained for me.

I may not be able to see all the little details and I may not even understand why circumstances are the way they are or how it will work out, but I do know this: the God of the universe has my back.  He has the Master plan.  He has called me to be obedient and I’m doing that.  Others may not get it, others may not understand, heck, I don’t understand at this point, but I trust Him and I’m listening to what He’s telling me to do.  I am overwhelmed at the amazing support I’ve received from my friends/family/and colleagues.  I am so excited to be starting this new adventure and I’m even more excited to see what God is doing.

April 7^th, 2015 will be one year since my whole world changed.  I had a life-changing brain surgery that would sufficiently end the pain I had been enduring for so many years.  I had no idea how much freedom would take place when I stepped into that promise.  God had promised to heal me if I would trust Him enough to have brain surgery. 

This past November, I had a radical/complete hysterectomy to end my battle with Endometriosis.  Again, a life-changing surgery that brought with it great freedom from pain.

It has been prophesied over me that this year would be a year of ministry and fulfilled promises- I receive that and am gladly stepping into the next chapter of my life.

While I will miss my friends and family here in Texas more than anyone will ever know, I am excited to grow into this new opportunity and see where it takes me.  That’s not to say that I won’t come back to visit or even move back here someday.  This has just been made all the more clear to me that I just never really know what God is up to!

Please pray for me (and Daisy and Chester) as we embark on this new adventure.  Please pray for my parents, I know it will be a difficult transition for them as well.

Keep looking back here, I’ll be sure to keep everyone posted on this new chapter of living in the arctic.  Don’t ya know…  Did I mention I’ll be going to church in Minnesota for a while?

Be blessed, y’all!!

Pamela

For Fun:

How to Talk Wisconsin Good

Wisconics

I can be reached at BeautifulChaos2010@hotmail.com

When All Hope Seems Lost…

John 16:33

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Isaiah 61:3

“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.”

So here I sit with my glass of wine and my coconut cake – with my heart aching a little.

I’m no stranger, I’ve been here before, especially over this last year.  I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t cleared out many a wine bottle and kept the Pepperidge Farm people fully employed with benefits.

It’s not the end of the world, not by a longshot, but sometimes, life just seems a little hopeless and just a little too hard.

We all get that way sometimes, I think- surely I can’t be the only one that ever feels like my world is spinning a little out of control and I’m weary and tired of trying to hang on.

Tonight I feel like certain things will never work out for me:

• I’ll be single forever
• I’ll never be enough to please my wounded mother
• There will never be full restoration in my family
•  I’ll never have enough- I’ll never be truly valued to the degree that I should be
• I’ll never have the discipline to be as healthy as I want to be
• Nobody likes me, everybody hates me – bring on the worms!

And the list just goes on and on; in other words, a pity party.
These are all things that I feel in my heart.  There was a time in my life not that long ago where these feelings would’ve buried me.

Fortunately, I know how to climb out of this funk, but I also know there can be healing in the funk.  Sometimes, your heart just needs to grieve.  The safest place to do that?  God’s presence.  Not just His word, but His actual presence.  Become like Mary and just sit at His feet, put your head in His lap and pour your aching heart out.

You might argue that He already knows your heart; sure He does, but He wants that kind of relationship with you- the one where you trust Him enough to actually talk with Him.  He longs for that fellowship with you.

So do it- get alone with God and pour your heart out, get it all out and sob, ugly cry, and just sit at His feet.  Be angry, be sad, be hurt, be disappointed, be whatever emotion you’re feeling right then and tell Him what’s on your heart- the good, the bad, and the ugly.  He’s a great big God- He can handle your words.  What’s more, He wants to handle your heart- your accusations, your disappointments, He wants all of your burden.  He wants to comfort you in every way that you need comforting.

I know from my own experience, it’s in those heart-rendering times that He tends to speak the most profound things to me.

See, usually, while I’m pouring out, He’s pouring into me.  Man, I am so grateful for that.  When I’m emptying myself out, He’s filling me full of Him.  So often, this is the place where new revelation is born.  He speaks to me, and always, always reveals a new aspect of His love for me.

I started this evening out hurting, just kind of beat down- but I remembered the game-changer: Just because I feel something, doesn’t make it true (thank you Shawna for that wisdom).

Just because I don’t feel something, doesn’t make it true either.  Just because I can’t feel God working in my circumstances, doesn’t mean that He’s not- in fact, just about the opposite is always true- He’s working overtime, and change is coming.

Just because I feel disappointed or hopeless doesn’t make it true. 

Jeremiah 17:7-9

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.

The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked.

Who really knows how bad it is?”

Don’t believe the lie that you must stay in the funk.  Don’t buy into the feelings (or facts, whatever the circumstances might be), wholeheartedly believe the truth.

For me- it looks like this:

Feeling (Facts)	Truth
I’ll be single forever	God has promised to provide a husband He created just for me; He also promised me a family of my own
I’ll never be enough to please my wounded mother	I am not supposed to be enough; He is the only One who can heal her heart
There will never be full restoration in my family	God is the God of restoration; His word never returns void and He promised to restore it years ago
I’ll never have enough- I’ll never be truly valued to the degree that I should be	He is my provider; He not only values me, He delights in me
I’ll never have the discipline to be as healthy as I want to be	His grace is more than sufficient for me; I can do all things with His strength
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me – bring on the worms!	I am not to be conformed to this world – His opinion of me is ALL that defines me- He calls me righteous and beloved

Life is just hard and God knows it’s hard.  That popular saying that God doesn’t give us more than we can bear is a lie- God wants to bear it for us.

If you’re struggling- He’ll meet you right where you’re at, right now, just get before Him and let it all out.  He longs for you…

Blessin’s Y’all!

~Pamela

Visit our website at: www.ACreativeWord.com

I can be reached at: Pamela@ACreativeWord.com

2015, Bring It!

“For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

2014 has been a whirlwind year for me.  It’s been a year of big faith and great opportunities for God to show off.  For those who know me, saying I don’t like change is putting it mildly.  Even good change is a struggle for me.  In my experience, change usually meant turning my life upside down and while it’s inevitable and even healthy for change to take place, it’s taxing for me.

This last year has been big, probably one of the biggest in my life- with huge lifestyle changes that will affect me for the rest of my life.

The thought of shaving my head was terrifying.  Fortunately, I've got amazing people that celebrated with me and made it fun.

Ouch- not the most fun I've ever had!

What Brain Surgery?
4 Weeks Post-Op

I had brain surgery!!!!  I was completely healed from the constant migraines and pain I’d experience almost all of my life.  While the beginning of the year was pure hell, it challenged me both physically and spiritually, I can say that it increased my faith, stretched me and forced me to grow in ways I could’ve never imagined.  I went places mentally and spiritually that I couldn’t even fathom and I watched first-hand God reach into my life and pull me from the darkness.  I experience healing in my body that doctors never thought was possible and I watched my family come together in a way that I honestly believed would never happen.

I also experienced great loss.  All of my adult life, I’ve wanted children of my own.  Many know of the infertility struggles that John and I faced when we were married and know the pain that entails.  I’ve had endometriosis since I was 14 years old and have suffered with many surgeries to maintain it long enough to attempt pregnancy.  In September during a routine surgery to get ‘cleaned out’ my doctor of 10 years realized we had reached the end and informed me that I would need a complete and total abdominal hysterectomy.  Years of surgeries (both related to the disease and not) had riddled my body with scar tissue and the disease itself had destroyed a lot of healthy tissue.

We did a lot of lounging around this year...

So, on Veteran’s Day I had my complete hysterectomy.  For someone at the ripe old age of 33, that was a struggle.  Knowing that I would never bear children broke my heart and hurt my soul.

Much to my surprise though, there was a sense of relief that came when it was all over with.  I have no control anymore, no more pressure to hurry up and get married so I can produce a human, none of that anymore.  I’ve always been open to adoption and now, that is my option.  It’s a really good one and I trust that when the time is right, God will just take care of it.  Like He always does.

I am so blessed that I have two beautiful step-daughters that I claim as my own and that God is restoring those relationships as well.

It was said at church at the beginning of 2014 that this would be a year of double rest.  It certainly has been for me, I’ve had two major operations that required lengthy recovery times and I’ve been forced into seasons of rest twice.  I’ve had it prophesied over me that this next year will be a year of ministry and fulfillment of great promise.  To say the least, I’m READY for some good stuff! 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s been full of really great stuff too.  I’ve learned who my friends are, and I always had people that helped me laugh when I so desperately needed.

I realized how much value there is in having people that will stop and intercede, not just pray, but really storm the gates of heaven on my behalf when I can’t pray for myself.

I’ve learned through the many meals brought to me over the year how many of my friends are master chefs and how many should bring good take-out.

I’ve seen so much grace and mercy and unending patience as my friends and coworkers deal with my issues of memory and word loss.  It’s humbling to lose your words and short term memories and instead of humiliating me, they encouraged me and praised my progress.

God has brought remarkable people into my life, I’ve watched God work through doctors and I’ve had surgeons pray over me.

I’ve had the chance to minister and watch God work through me and my scars to bring freedom to so many people that I wouldn’t have had the courage to minister to before.

Daisy and Chester loved having Mommy home so much!

It’s been a long, difficult year, but one of so much growth, some of it extremely painful, but definitely necessary.  I can honestly say that no matter where I’m struggling, no matter how much my heart is hurting and my head doesn’t understand, my Father is always eager to meet me right where I’m at.  I’ve been on my face before God pouring my heart out and I’ve stomped around my house shouting angrily at Him more than I have ever done in my life.  I’ve also experienced powerful moments of grace at times that I know I wouldn’t have survived without it.

He’s a great big God and He can handle my heart at its most raw and uncensored.  No matter what I throw at Him, He can take it and more importantly, He still delights in me.

The fact of the matter is that I know God’s heart for me and that revelation has carried me through the most difficult of time in my life.  I have been as raw and transparent before the Lord as I can be and I’ve felt His presence in my life in ways that blow my mind.  I’ve gone deeper into intimacy with Him than I ever thought possible.  I am more in love with the God of the universe than ever before.

Even still, change is difficult for me.

I do know this - with all of the challenges this past year, it has increased my capacity for God and it has stirred a fire inside of me that I never want to be satisfied- I never want to reach a place of complacency with God.

I want everything that God has for me and I won’t settle for less than His best for me.

Several years ago when I made the decision to walk with God again, I asked God to reveal Himself to me.  I had grown up listening to who others thought God was and who I thought He should be and that His thoughts towards me were only good if I behaved a certain way.  When I came back to the Lord, I wanted to know the truth.  I wanted to know God’s heart for me- whatever that might’ve looked like.  I desperately wanted a real relationship with God, not religion and that’s exactly what I got.

At that time, I chose not to read His word, I wanted it straight from the Holy Spirit, I wanted to hear God for Himself, and man, am I ever glad I did!  Over the years, the things that God has showed me and the way He has transformed my heart would blow your mind.

Let me encourage you, as you go into this New Year, declare blessing over yourself, over your family, and increase your capacity for God.  Ask Him to take you deeper into His presence than you ‘ve ever been.  Ask God for a new experience with Him.  Ask to know Him in a new way.

He wants to show you His heart for you and I know for sure, that it is good.

Don’t make resolutions for God this year, just love Him and let Him love you- to the fullest.

I can guarantee it will change your life, and maybe, just maybe, your heart too.

“For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?”

Isaiah 43:19

Be blessed, y’all!

~Pamela

Visit our website at: www.ACreativeWord.com

I can be reached at: Pamela@ACreativeWord.com

I Need To Be Rescued...Like, Yesterday.

There are just some days where I need to be rescued.
Today is one of those days.

I'm leaning so heavily on one of my favorite chapters in the whole Bible today.  Psalm 18.  It’s my favorite depiction of how God rescues us.  

Sometimes we like to keep God in this snuggly Father figure box (which He most definitely is) where He just scoops us up and loves on us and kisses our boo boos; but sometimes it's important to have Him really reveal Himself to us as the powerful Almighty God of the Universe.

I love the way that David describes Him in this chapter because He is my rescuer and today, this is how I need to see Him.

The Almighty God of the Universe. 

I Am.

My Redeemer.

My Healer.

My King.

My God.

I need Him come down on His angelic beast and fight for me. 

All because He has heard my cry and He delights in me.

Not because of who I am, but just because of who He is and because of how much He loves me.

Yeah, I need Him to be that God today.

Psalm 18

For the choir director: A psalm of David, the servant of the Lord. He sang this song to the Lord on the day the Lord rescued him from all his enemies and from Saul. He sang:

I love you, Lord; you are my strength.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.

He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.

I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and he saved me from
my enemies.

The ropes of death entangled me; floods of destruction swept over me.

The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death laid a trap in my path.

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help.

He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears.

Then the earth quaked and trembled.  The foundations of the mountains shook; they quaked because of his anger.

Smoke poured from his nostrils; fierce flames leaped from his mouth.  Glowing coals blazed forth from him.

He opened the heavens and came down; dark storm clouds were
beneath his feet.

Mounted on a mighty angelic being, he flew, soaring on the
wings of the wind.

He shrouded himself in darkness, veiling his approach
with dark rain clouds.

Thick clouds shielded the brightness around him and
rained down hail and burning coals.

The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High
resounded amid the hail and burning coals.

He shot his arrows and scattered his enemies;  his lightning
flashed, and they were greatly confused.

Then at your command, O Lord, at the blast of your breath, the bottom of the sea could be seen, and the foundations
of the earth were laid bare.  

He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who
hated me and were too strong for me.

They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress, but the Lord supported me.

He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me.

The Lord rewarded me for doing right; he restored me
because of my innocence.

For I have kept the ways of the Lord; I have not turned
from my God to follow evil.

I have followed all his regulations; I have never abandoned
his decrees.

I am blameless before God; I have kept myself
from sin.

The Lord rewarded me for doing right.
He has seen my innocence.

To the faithful you show yourself faithful; to those with
integrity you show integrity.

To the pure you show yourself pure, but to the wicked you
show yourself hostile.

You rescue the humble, but you humiliate the proud.

You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God,
lights up my darkness.

In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall.

God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true.  He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.

For who is God except the Lord?  Who but our God is a solid rock?

God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect.

He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to
stand on mountain heights.

He trains my hands for battle; he strengthens my arm to
draw a bronze bow.

You have given me your shield of victory.
Your right hand supports me; your help has
made me great.

You have made a wide path for my feet to keep
them from slipping. 

I chased my enemies and caught them; I did not stop
until they were conquered.

I struck them down so they could not get up; they
fell beneath my feet.

You have armed me with strength for the battle;
you have subdued my enemies under my feet.

You placed my foot on their necks.  I have destroyed all who hated me.

They called for help, but no one came to their rescue.
They even cried to the Lord, but he refused to answer.

I ground them as fine as dust in the wind.
I swept them into the gutter like dirt.

You gave me victory over my accusers.
You appointed me ruler over nations; people I don’t even
know now serve me.

As soon as they hear of me, they submit; foreign nations
cringe before me.

They all lose their courage and come trembling
from their strongholds. 

The Lord lives! Praise to my Rock!  May the God of my salvation be exalted! 

He is the God who pays back those who harm me;
he subdues the nations under me and rescues me
from my enemies.  You hold me safe beyond the reach of
my enemies; you save me from violent opponents.

For this, O Lord, I will praise you among the nations;
I will sing praises to your name.

You give great victories to your king; you show unfailing love to your anointed, to David and all his descendants forever.



I want what God wants for me- no matter what that looks like.  I want what He has for me because I know it is far better than anything I could ever want for myself.
It's just hard to understand sometimes and that desire doesn't always make our heart hurt less.

However, I am forever convinced that no matter what I do, what I go through, no matter how ugly it gets, and no matter how awesome it gets, there is absolutely, NO END TO HIS GOOD!

Now, how can I pray for YOU today?

Blessin’s Y’all!

Pamela 

I can be reached at Pamela@ACreativeWord.com

www.ACreativeWord.com