Purging...

Purging…

Wow.

It’s getting more and more real with each passing day.  I’ve reached the stage in my move where I have to actually start doing stuff.  I’m cleaning out closets, the garage, rooms, and I’m wondering, ‘how in the world did I accumulate so much JUNK?!’

I mean, seriously- this is just sad.  No ONE person needs this much crap.

Today, I’ve actually started packing.  Well, if I’m being totally honest, I’M not packing, my mom offered her help so she’s doing it while I’m at work.

I’m starting to disconnect services, I’ve turned in my resignation at work, and I’m starting to let doctors’ offices, etc. know my forwarding address.

Meanwhile, I’ve started cleaning out the garage- which up until now, has been full of what I affectionately refer to as, mystery boxes.  You know the boxes that you never unpack, you just keep moving them from place to place?  Yeah, I have about 8 of them.

In the process of purging, I’ve come across a plethora of stuff from my marriage.  I’ve been divorced almost as long as I was married.  This means that there are tons of financial documents that are over 10 years old that need to be shredded.

As you might imagine, this has stirred up some emotions.  It has also brought to mind, areas where I still need to exercise forgiveness and finally let go of some grief.  I’ve run across countless pictures and cards, and just sentimental mementos from my past.  I even ran across a box of the silk flowers used in my wedding.
I won’t even try to pretend like that wasn’t hard to come across.
I spent the better part of that afternoon sobbing in the garage as I once again, mourned over the death of my marriage.

Seven years.  You’d think in all that time, all of that pain, the grief, and the heart wounds would be all healed.  They obviously weren't.

One of the greatest lies in the history of mankind:

TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.

Huge lie.  In fact, if you think about it, time causes wounds to become infected and fester and can even lead to death if they are not treated properly enough to heal.

Time does not in fact, heal anything.  God is the ONLY One who can heal your heart wounds. 

Ever meet those people who have been divorced for decades and still talk about their ex like it just happened yesterday?  What about those who lost a loved one 40 years ago and still talk about them like they just saw them yesterday?
Yeah, they’re not healed.  Time won’t fix that, but God can.

We must let Him.

So, on that Sunday afternoon, I stood in my garage, and sobbed over the remnants of my broken marriage, the loss of my children, and the destruction that was born from our divorce.  I made a pile out of the papers that needed to be shredded and started sending out texts to different crafty people to see if anyone could use my flowers.

I also sent out a couple of texts to my people telling them I needed some healing for my broken heart.

Then, I brought my brokenness to the Lord.  I sobbed, I snotted, and I asked for answers.

“Why did my marriage have to be the one that failed?”
“Why did our dreams have to fall to dust?”
“Why is he allowed to move on and find love and make another marriage work, while it feels like he put no effort into ours?”
“Why does HE get to be happy with a companion and I’m here all alone?”

I would love to say that God answered all my questions with the perfect answers that put my heart at ease, but that’s not what happened.
Instead, He let sob, He let me ask, and He let me pour my heart out for as long as I needed to.

Then He showed me something – I had believed a lie.
I believed that my marriage to John was my only shot at having a good life with someone.

I had to realize that the truth is, God has someone out there who was made just for me.  He was going to take the pain and destruction and make it into something beautiful that glorified Him.
I had to let God heal my heart.
I have to trust in His promises to me.

It has been so evident that He is closing the door to this chapter in my life and opening a whole room of possibility for me in Wisconsin.

I honestly don’t know what will happen there – I don’t know who I will meet there – and I most certainly do not know what God’s plan is.  I do know that it is good and it is HIS best for me.

I go through a roller-coaster of emotions on a daily basis right now because this is all so overwhelming; but the one that is becoming more and more evident- EXCITEMENT!! I cannot wait to really start this adventure!

My last day at work is the 24^th and I leave town on the 30^th.  I’ll be breaking the trip up into 2 days because it’s just too far to make in one day pulling a trailer.

I will be posting to my blog much more regularly and keeping all my people updated that way.
Yes, I will be keeping The Facebook and my phone number for those that have it.  For those that buy from me, I will still be doing Scentsy- it will just be shipped to your house now instead of mine.

Your prayers and encouragement are more appreciated that you’ll ever know.  I have been overwhelmed by the amount of love that has been shown to me over the last couple of weeks.  I will always be a Texas girl (I will NOT be a Cheese-head) and I am actually looking forward to experiencing a Wisconsin winter (seriously, have you seen me sweat? It’s not pretty and definitely not sexy).

I seriously have the BEST people in the world and I am excited to be expanding my territory because I KNOW that Wisconsin needs more TEXAS goodness.  I mean, after all, God blessed Texas.

Be blessed y’all!
Pamela

I can be reached at:

Email: BeautifulChaos2010@hotmail.com

Website:www.ACreativeWord.com