Purging...

Purging…

Wow.

It’s getting more and more real with each passing day.  I’ve reached the stage in my move where I have to actually start doing stuff.  I’m cleaning out closets, the garage, rooms, and I’m wondering, ‘how in the world did I accumulate so much JUNK?!’

I mean, seriously- this is just sad.  No ONE person needs this much crap.

Today, I’ve actually started packing.  Well, if I’m being totally honest, I’M not packing, my mom offered her help so she’s doing it while I’m at work.

I’m starting to disconnect services, I’ve turned in my resignation at work, and I’m starting to let doctors’ offices, etc. know my forwarding address.

Meanwhile, I’ve started cleaning out the garage- which up until now, has been full of what I affectionately refer to as, mystery boxes.  You know the boxes that you never unpack, you just keep moving them from place to place?  Yeah, I have about 8 of them.

In the process of purging, I’ve come across a plethora of stuff from my marriage.  I’ve been divorced almost as long as I was married.  This means that there are tons of financial documents that are over 10 years old that need to be shredded.

As you might imagine, this has stirred up some emotions.  It has also brought to mind, areas where I still need to exercise forgiveness and finally let go of some grief.  I’ve run across countless pictures and cards, and just sentimental mementos from my past.  I even ran across a box of the silk flowers used in my wedding.
I won’t even try to pretend like that wasn’t hard to come across.
I spent the better part of that afternoon sobbing in the garage as I once again, mourned over the death of my marriage.

Seven years.  You’d think in all that time, all of that pain, the grief, and the heart wounds would be all healed.  They obviously weren't.

One of the greatest lies in the history of mankind:

TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.

Huge lie.  In fact, if you think about it, time causes wounds to become infected and fester and can even lead to death if they are not treated properly enough to heal.

Time does not in fact, heal anything.  God is the ONLY One who can heal your heart wounds. 

Ever meet those people who have been divorced for decades and still talk about their ex like it just happened yesterday?  What about those who lost a loved one 40 years ago and still talk about them like they just saw them yesterday?
Yeah, they’re not healed.  Time won’t fix that, but God can.

We must let Him.

So, on that Sunday afternoon, I stood in my garage, and sobbed over the remnants of my broken marriage, the loss of my children, and the destruction that was born from our divorce.  I made a pile out of the papers that needed to be shredded and started sending out texts to different crafty people to see if anyone could use my flowers.

I also sent out a couple of texts to my people telling them I needed some healing for my broken heart.

Then, I brought my brokenness to the Lord.  I sobbed, I snotted, and I asked for answers.

“Why did my marriage have to be the one that failed?”
“Why did our dreams have to fall to dust?”
“Why is he allowed to move on and find love and make another marriage work, while it feels like he put no effort into ours?”
“Why does HE get to be happy with a companion and I’m here all alone?”

I would love to say that God answered all my questions with the perfect answers that put my heart at ease, but that’s not what happened.
Instead, He let sob, He let me ask, and He let me pour my heart out for as long as I needed to.

Then He showed me something – I had believed a lie.
I believed that my marriage to John was my only shot at having a good life with someone.

I had to realize that the truth is, God has someone out there who was made just for me.  He was going to take the pain and destruction and make it into something beautiful that glorified Him.
I had to let God heal my heart.
I have to trust in His promises to me.

It has been so evident that He is closing the door to this chapter in my life and opening a whole room of possibility for me in Wisconsin.

I honestly don’t know what will happen there – I don’t know who I will meet there – and I most certainly do not know what God’s plan is.  I do know that it is good and it is HIS best for me.

I go through a roller-coaster of emotions on a daily basis right now because this is all so overwhelming; but the one that is becoming more and more evident- EXCITEMENT!! I cannot wait to really start this adventure!

My last day at work is the 24^th and I leave town on the 30^th.  I’ll be breaking the trip up into 2 days because it’s just too far to make in one day pulling a trailer.

I will be posting to my blog much more regularly and keeping all my people updated that way.
Yes, I will be keeping The Facebook and my phone number for those that have it.  For those that buy from me, I will still be doing Scentsy- it will just be shipped to your house now instead of mine.

Your prayers and encouragement are more appreciated that you’ll ever know.  I have been overwhelmed by the amount of love that has been shown to me over the last couple of weeks.  I will always be a Texas girl (I will NOT be a Cheese-head) and I am actually looking forward to experiencing a Wisconsin winter (seriously, have you seen me sweat? It’s not pretty and definitely not sexy).

I seriously have the BEST people in the world and I am excited to be expanding my territory because I KNOW that Wisconsin needs more TEXAS goodness.  I mean, after all, God blessed Texas.

Be blessed y’all!
Pamela

I can be reached at:

Email: BeautifulChaos2010@hotmail.com

Website:www.ACreativeWord.com

I Need To Be Rescued...Like, Yesterday.

There are just some days where I need to be rescued.
Today is one of those days.

I'm leaning so heavily on one of my favorite chapters in the whole Bible today.  Psalm 18.  It’s my favorite depiction of how God rescues us.  

Sometimes we like to keep God in this snuggly Father figure box (which He most definitely is) where He just scoops us up and loves on us and kisses our boo boos; but sometimes it's important to have Him really reveal Himself to us as the powerful Almighty God of the Universe.

I love the way that David describes Him in this chapter because He is my rescuer and today, this is how I need to see Him.

The Almighty God of the Universe. 

I Am.

My Redeemer.

My Healer.

My King.

My God.

I need Him come down on His angelic beast and fight for me. 

All because He has heard my cry and He delights in me.

Not because of who I am, but just because of who He is and because of how much He loves me.

Yeah, I need Him to be that God today.

Psalm 18

For the choir director: A psalm of David, the servant of the Lord. He sang this song to the Lord on the day the Lord rescued him from all his enemies and from Saul. He sang:

I love you, Lord; you are my strength.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.

He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.

I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and he saved me from
my enemies.

The ropes of death entangled me; floods of destruction swept over me.

The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death laid a trap in my path.

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help.

He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears.

Then the earth quaked and trembled.  The foundations of the mountains shook; they quaked because of his anger.

Smoke poured from his nostrils; fierce flames leaped from his mouth.  Glowing coals blazed forth from him.

He opened the heavens and came down; dark storm clouds were
beneath his feet.

Mounted on a mighty angelic being, he flew, soaring on the
wings of the wind.

He shrouded himself in darkness, veiling his approach
with dark rain clouds.

Thick clouds shielded the brightness around him and
rained down hail and burning coals.

The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High
resounded amid the hail and burning coals.

He shot his arrows and scattered his enemies;  his lightning
flashed, and they were greatly confused.

Then at your command, O Lord, at the blast of your breath, the bottom of the sea could be seen, and the foundations
of the earth were laid bare.  

He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters.

He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who
hated me and were too strong for me.

They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress, but the Lord supported me.

He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me.

The Lord rewarded me for doing right; he restored me
because of my innocence.

For I have kept the ways of the Lord; I have not turned
from my God to follow evil.

I have followed all his regulations; I have never abandoned
his decrees.

I am blameless before God; I have kept myself
from sin.

The Lord rewarded me for doing right.
He has seen my innocence.

To the faithful you show yourself faithful; to those with
integrity you show integrity.

To the pure you show yourself pure, but to the wicked you
show yourself hostile.

You rescue the humble, but you humiliate the proud.

You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God,
lights up my darkness.

In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall.

God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true.  He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.

For who is God except the Lord?  Who but our God is a solid rock?

God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect.

He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to
stand on mountain heights.

He trains my hands for battle; he strengthens my arm to
draw a bronze bow.

You have given me your shield of victory.
Your right hand supports me; your help has
made me great.

You have made a wide path for my feet to keep
them from slipping. 

I chased my enemies and caught them; I did not stop
until they were conquered.

I struck them down so they could not get up; they
fell beneath my feet.

You have armed me with strength for the battle;
you have subdued my enemies under my feet.

You placed my foot on their necks.  I have destroyed all who hated me.

They called for help, but no one came to their rescue.
They even cried to the Lord, but he refused to answer.

I ground them as fine as dust in the wind.
I swept them into the gutter like dirt.

You gave me victory over my accusers.
You appointed me ruler over nations; people I don’t even
know now serve me.

As soon as they hear of me, they submit; foreign nations
cringe before me.

They all lose their courage and come trembling
from their strongholds. 

The Lord lives! Praise to my Rock!  May the God of my salvation be exalted! 

He is the God who pays back those who harm me;
he subdues the nations under me and rescues me
from my enemies.  You hold me safe beyond the reach of
my enemies; you save me from violent opponents.

For this, O Lord, I will praise you among the nations;
I will sing praises to your name.

You give great victories to your king; you show unfailing love to your anointed, to David and all his descendants forever.



I want what God wants for me- no matter what that looks like.  I want what He has for me because I know it is far better than anything I could ever want for myself.
It's just hard to understand sometimes and that desire doesn't always make our heart hurt less.

However, I am forever convinced that no matter what I do, what I go through, no matter how ugly it gets, and no matter how awesome it gets, there is absolutely, NO END TO HIS GOOD!

Now, how can I pray for YOU today?

Blessin’s Y’all!

Pamela 

I can be reached at Pamela@ACreativeWord.com

www.ACreativeWord.com

Ever Been Ransomed? I Have...

Psalm 45:11 (NIV)
¹¹ Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
   honor him, for he is your lord.

Very recently I had an event occur in my life in which I just felt ashamed.  It felt like I had taken a few steps forward and then a huge leap back. 

I was crushed.  My heart was so broken because I just knew that He had to be as disappointed in me as I was in myself.

Well, that was lie. 

It wasn't a huge leap back, it was a little stumble backwards, and I hadn't fallen so far that I was out of my Father's reach. 

Has that ever happened to you?  When you were trying to live a holy life and you just slipped and did something you knew in your heart wasn’t pleasing to Him?

Because of this experience, I have an even deeper, more real knowledge of His grace. 

He ransomed me that day, like so many other times.

I was born into a life of sin, one that I continued to live into adulthood.  A life of sex, drugs, alcohol, violence, rage, anger, depression, thoughts of suicide, inadequacy, hopelessness, and disappointment. 

I was captive in that life.  I couldn't get out of my own accord.  Nothing I did seemed to even lessen the pain that I was caught up in.  I certainly tried everything that the world offered, more drugs, sex, alcohol, and the list goes on.  I was raised in church, I knew all about Jesus and I knew His word, however, a bunch of head knowledge doesn't make me 'know' Him.  I knew of Him, but I didn't know this 'savior', and for many years, I didn't quite understand what I was actually being saved from.  I thought all Christians dealt with this life and that by just going to church, well, that'd get me into Heaven and it would all be a lot better there.  I knew that others struggled, but I thought that was just how it was supposed to be.  You pay your tithes, you spend your hours working for the Lord at church, and you said your ‘amen's’ at the appropriate time to support your pastor. 

I still didn't really know my Savior.  The One who ransomed me Himself.  I heard a preacher use the word ‘ransom’ to describe what Jesus had done for him.  It stuck with me even though I didn’t really understand the deepest meaning of what he was referring to at the time.

Sure, I knew that I'd been saved from going to hell and all, but what else could I have been saved from??  I needed to be saved from my life. 

Even as a Christian, I needed to be rescued from the life I had built for myself.  I loved the Lord and I served Him, but I still didn't know Him.  I constantly struggled in so many areas of my life with addiction and desperation and most of the time, I felt so alone.

But then, something incredible happened. Mercy reached in to save me...And it was so beautiful. 

Talk about an enlightenment…

I was finally able to grasp the concept of real grace. 

Believe me when I say that I’ve had my share of moments when it was impossible to look at myself in the mirror out of shame and guilt.   Thankfully, it’s not about what I see when I look in the mirror, it’s not about how I feel about myself, or even how I view myself as a person.  It’s about what HE sees when He looks at me.  When my Father looks at me, He sees Jesus, in whom He is well pleased.  He sees grace and mercy.  I can’t earn the love that He has for me by doing good works, living a certain way, acting a certain way, or even by saying the right things.  He freely gives it to me. 

This is a relationship, an intimate relationship; He knows the crevices of my heart, soul, and spirit and nothing is hid from Him.  And He loves me the same. 

I am fearfully and wonderfully made and He is enthralled by my beauty! (Ps. 45:11)

Now, I walk in a freedom that I’ve never really known before.  There’s grace and mercy as payment for my sins.  They pardon my guilt and shame.  Because of His grace, and His mercy, I’m able to live a life that is pleasing to Him.  It’s with His strength that I’m able to finally be happy and free from condemnation and legalism.

Why doesn’t the church talk about this??  Isn't this ransoming what salvation is really all about?!  All my life, I've been taught that salvation was living by a set of rules that were impossible for most to live.  Salvation was something that you had to earn and work hard to maintain.  For most, hell is a far off distance from where they are right this instant, the life they're leading right now (a religious life maybe?), is probably what they really need to be ransomed from.

My savior is only a cry away.  He hears me because He's right there with me, leading my every step.

It’s about relationship people, NOT religion.  Going to church every time the doors are open don’t make me a Christian any more than going to Alaska makes me a penguin (somebody has to get that!).

My prayer today is that whether you find yourself in a place where you need to be ransomed or not, that you have the realization that God is real, and He desires an intimate relationship with you.  He created you for Himself, but you must choose Him.

He wants to be your everything, because you are His whole world.

Blessings!

Pamela

Video found here.