Forgiveness - Ugh, Do I Have To?!

Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

*Insert whiny voice here*

Forgiveness is not my favorite topic of discussion.  It is unpopular, it’s not fun, and it is usually painful. 

It’s also one that reminds me of where I am sure to fall short.  That being said, it's on my heart today.

Over my lifetime, I’ve had many unpleasant things happen to me, many people have hurt me, wounded me, and done things to me that most would agree are unreasonable to forgive.

There was a time in my walk with the Lord that I tried to rationalize with Him about forgiveness (haha, yeah, I’m going to ‘reason’ with the Creator of the Universe, right).  I’d say things like: “Well, Father, I’ve already forgiven these people that hurt me this way, so because I forgave them for such a big thing, I should be given a free pass on this one who just hurt me a little bit.”

Uh, God doesn’t work that way. 

Harboring unforgiveness is like holding onto a hot curling iron and not letting go.

Eventually, it will destroy that thing that holds it.

You can tell yourself all you want that it’s not as hot as it seems and it’s not as painful as it looks, but the truth is it’s destroying the tissues in your hand.  Once you’ve initially grabbed hold of that curling iron, whether intentionally or not, it’s surprisingly hot and it’s likely to leave a blister that may go away on its own. 

However, the longer you hold onto the hot iron, the deeper the burn will go and the more likely it is to leave a permanent scar.

Every time you look down, you’ll see that scar and be reminded of that particular wound.

It’s the same way when people wound us.  Usually, at first, we’re surprised that they hurt us and it may only take us a short time to realize that we must let go of that hurt and forgive them.  It will probably leave a small (if at all) trace of what happened.

On the other hand, if we choose to hold onto that hurt, the deeper the damage to our hearts, and sometimes our souls.  This leaves a permanent abrasion so that every time we face that abrasion, we remember those who wounded us and the hurt spreads like a infection, ultimately destroying us.

Unforgiveness does nothing but create additional pain, resentment, bitterness, and is the stealer of our joy, thus sapping our strength and health (Nehemiah 8:10).

Maybe you’re the person that needs forgiveness.  We’ve all been there, and as long we’re living and breathing on this earth, we’ll always be in a position where we’ll need forgiveness from others.

There have been things in my life that I’ve had to forgive myself of: adultery, not being good example of what a Godly woman is to my daughters, being deceitful, being prideful and entitled, and being malicious and spiteful when it suited me.

Sometimes the person that is the hardest to forgive is yourself. 

I heard someone remark today that they were going to seek peace about an individual that wronged them by going to church every Sunday. 

While going to church is a good, healthy way to enhance your Christian walk, it will not bring you lasting peace.

We live in a world that is craving true and saturating peace; a peace that this world cannot give them.  They are yearning for something that will heal those permanent wounds in their lives and are crying out.

Instead of just pointing people to ‘church’, we should be pointing them to Jesus.

I advised this acquaintance of mine that church is good, but if she wants real peace (& the ability to forgive this person), she’s only going to find that in an intimate relationship with the Father and quality time spent in His presence.

Asking for and giving out forgiveness is not something to be taken lightly.  God certainly doesn’t and He expects us to make it the top priority in our lives. 

Mark 11:25 (NLT)

 “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”

Matthew 6:15 (NLT)

“But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

As a Christian, we not simply asked to forgive, we’re commanded to do it, Peter asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive his neighbor, and Jesus’ reply was seventy-times-seven. (Matthew 18: 21-22)

Okay, that’s math I won’t do and I’m too lazy to keep track, so I’m just going to go with, I’m supposed to forgive them every time they wrong me.

Does that mean that I have to continue to have them in my life if they’re causing severe damage?  Does that mean that I have to continue having a relationship with them? 

If the Lord has released you to kick them to the curb, do it, but with Godly love.

I know that forgiveness is hard, and I know that there are most certainly things and people in our lives that we, in our own strength, simply cannot forgive.

That’s where our Father comes in.  It is with His strength and His ability that we’re able to do that.  It is only with His love that comes permanent healing and forgiveness is what paves the way to that permanent healing we're so desperate for.

We cannot be healed if we do not forgive.

Proverbs 17:9 (NLT)

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven,
but dwelling on it separates close friends.

Forgiveness and restoration go hand in hand, you cannot have one without the other. 

Unforgiveness creates a separation between you and someone else and prohibits true relationship.  No matter how miniscule the offense may be, for a time, there is separation and your love may become conditional.  Exercising true forgiveness creates restoration between you and the offending party and opens the door for unconditional love.

When you break a bone, it is said that when it heals, the bone is stronger that it was before it was broken.

I know that my God is more than capable of doing just that in relationships between His people.  I’ve seen it work in my own life.

Most importantly, forgiveness is not a feeling- it's not something we do when we 'feel that we are ready'; it's a commandment from God.  It's an act of sacrificial obedience.  We have to give up something - more often than not, control and stubbornness, in order to fulfill our obligation to God.

Is there someone in your life that you deem as unforgivable because of the hurt that they’ve caused you?  Maybe you feel that they are unworthy of your forgiveness? 
Despite the circumstances, when we sincerely forgive others who have wounded us, we are reinstated to freedom from that particular wound. We are no longer in agreement with what that hurt tells us to feel or how to act, we are able to choose our actions and not be ruled by that hurt any longer.  No matter what transpired or how deep that hurt goes, God promises to use it for our good.  He says that He uses everything, all things; not ‘some’ things, but all things for our good.

Romans 8:28 (NLT)

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

God’s a pretty smart guy like that, He knows what’s best for us and that harboring hurt and unforgiveness does nothing but poison us.  He says that He’s come so that we may have life and more abundantly- He wants us to be free and healthy, therefore, we must forgive those who hurt us.

I know that I fall short in this area but I am confident that I am a work in progress.

Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

 Let me encourage you today that if there is someone who you need to forgive, but you just can’t seem to do it in your strength, take refuge in the knowledge that you were never meant to do that on your own.  You have the power through your spoken word to exercise forgiveness through your Father.
Ask Him for help- ask Him to give you what you need in order to forgive.

He’s just waiting for you to cry out and ask for help. 

He’s anxiously waiting to hear from you. 

You are important to Him.

This is Matthew Wests' song and testimony about "Forgiveness" and can be found here.  It really blessed me.

Ever Been Ransomed? I Have...

Psalm 45:11 (NIV)
¹¹ Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
   honor him, for he is your lord.

Very recently I had an event occur in my life in which I just felt ashamed.  It felt like I had taken a few steps forward and then a huge leap back. 

I was crushed.  My heart was so broken because I just knew that He had to be as disappointed in me as I was in myself.

Well, that was lie. 

It wasn't a huge leap back, it was a little stumble backwards, and I hadn't fallen so far that I was out of my Father's reach. 

Has that ever happened to you?  When you were trying to live a holy life and you just slipped and did something you knew in your heart wasn’t pleasing to Him?

Because of this experience, I have an even deeper, more real knowledge of His grace. 

He ransomed me that day, like so many other times.

I was born into a life of sin, one that I continued to live into adulthood.  A life of sex, drugs, alcohol, violence, rage, anger, depression, thoughts of suicide, inadequacy, hopelessness, and disappointment. 

I was captive in that life.  I couldn't get out of my own accord.  Nothing I did seemed to even lessen the pain that I was caught up in.  I certainly tried everything that the world offered, more drugs, sex, alcohol, and the list goes on.  I was raised in church, I knew all about Jesus and I knew His word, however, a bunch of head knowledge doesn't make me 'know' Him.  I knew of Him, but I didn't know this 'savior', and for many years, I didn't quite understand what I was actually being saved from.  I thought all Christians dealt with this life and that by just going to church, well, that'd get me into Heaven and it would all be a lot better there.  I knew that others struggled, but I thought that was just how it was supposed to be.  You pay your tithes, you spend your hours working for the Lord at church, and you said your ‘amen's’ at the appropriate time to support your pastor. 

I still didn't really know my Savior.  The One who ransomed me Himself.  I heard a preacher use the word ‘ransom’ to describe what Jesus had done for him.  It stuck with me even though I didn’t really understand the deepest meaning of what he was referring to at the time.

Sure, I knew that I'd been saved from going to hell and all, but what else could I have been saved from??  I needed to be saved from my life. 

Even as a Christian, I needed to be rescued from the life I had built for myself.  I loved the Lord and I served Him, but I still didn't know Him.  I constantly struggled in so many areas of my life with addiction and desperation and most of the time, I felt so alone.

But then, something incredible happened. Mercy reached in to save me...And it was so beautiful. 

Talk about an enlightenment…

I was finally able to grasp the concept of real grace. 

Believe me when I say that I’ve had my share of moments when it was impossible to look at myself in the mirror out of shame and guilt.   Thankfully, it’s not about what I see when I look in the mirror, it’s not about how I feel about myself, or even how I view myself as a person.  It’s about what HE sees when He looks at me.  When my Father looks at me, He sees Jesus, in whom He is well pleased.  He sees grace and mercy.  I can’t earn the love that He has for me by doing good works, living a certain way, acting a certain way, or even by saying the right things.  He freely gives it to me. 

This is a relationship, an intimate relationship; He knows the crevices of my heart, soul, and spirit and nothing is hid from Him.  And He loves me the same. 

I am fearfully and wonderfully made and He is enthralled by my beauty! (Ps. 45:11)

Now, I walk in a freedom that I’ve never really known before.  There’s grace and mercy as payment for my sins.  They pardon my guilt and shame.  Because of His grace, and His mercy, I’m able to live a life that is pleasing to Him.  It’s with His strength that I’m able to finally be happy and free from condemnation and legalism.

Why doesn’t the church talk about this??  Isn't this ransoming what salvation is really all about?!  All my life, I've been taught that salvation was living by a set of rules that were impossible for most to live.  Salvation was something that you had to earn and work hard to maintain.  For most, hell is a far off distance from where they are right this instant, the life they're leading right now (a religious life maybe?), is probably what they really need to be ransomed from.

My savior is only a cry away.  He hears me because He's right there with me, leading my every step.

It’s about relationship people, NOT religion.  Going to church every time the doors are open don’t make me a Christian any more than going to Alaska makes me a penguin (somebody has to get that!).

My prayer today is that whether you find yourself in a place where you need to be ransomed or not, that you have the realization that God is real, and He desires an intimate relationship with you.  He created you for Himself, but you must choose Him.

He wants to be your everything, because you are His whole world.

Blessings!

Pamela

Video found here.