Ashes From A Charred Soul...

 

I am Brave.  I am Holy.  I am Royal.  I am Beautiful.

I am a daughter of the Most High God.

My circumstances do not change how my Father sees me, who I am, nor the plans He has for my life.

Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)

³ To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

 

I’m a pretty blunt and straight forward person, and mostly, that’s a positive thing in my life. You generally know where you stand with me because of this trait; however, some things need to be delivered with a hair more tact. A little more gently one might suggest. This is where I struggle.

However, now is the time to be straight forward so please, brace yourself.

What I’m going to talk about is not a gentle thing. It’s not a tactful thing. And, it’s not something that can be said in a soft, sweet, precious way. Sure, you can use ‘professional’ terminology and make it sting a little less and it can cover a multitude of sins, but when you get right down to it, it is what it is.

George Carlin made a statement once (paraphrased)-Psychologists came up with the term, “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” when treating soldiers coming home from war. His suggestion was, (and I couldn’t agree with him more) that if we’d called it what it really was, “Shell Shock”, maybe our boys would’ve gotten the treatment they really needed.

I didn’t always agree with his point of view on various topics, but his views on words and how we use them, I did and still do. Sometimes, you just have to call things for what they are.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

Something else I’m going to do is be vague with the details. They’re not necessary. They’re between me and My Father. He was there and He knows exactly what happened.

So, here goes…

Several months ago, I was date raped.

I was raped by a person I was dating.

It took me a long time to be able to say that out loud. That word, rape. I used the phrase, ‘sexually assaulted’ for a long time. Then, I realized that in order to truly heal, I needed to call it what it was.

Rape.

Such an ugly word.

Such a painful word.

Such a world-changing word.

Rape.

Most people can’t even process what that word actually entails- it’s just too horrible to wrap your head around. Sexual Assault takes some of the sting out and like I said, covers a multitude of sins. Rape is pretty definitive and specific.

For some, I know this is shocking. I won’t lie, it still takes my breath away. Out of the handful of people that know, some have told me that they would’ve never known. Those who know me intimately saw the change right away.

New Year’s Eve of last year, I spent the evening with the Father, discussing the New Year and what that would bring. He made several promises to me last year (2011) for 2012. When this happened to me, I believed a lie. I believed that because something out of my control happened to me, that it forever changed God’s plan for me; that it changed the good things He has for me.

It didn’t. If anything, I am more grateful than ever for the promises that my Father has given me. There are times where I cling to what He’s promised me literally for the air to breathe.
I will forever stand up and proclaim that I KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that He has never left me. Never for one moment was I ever alone.

I know some of you are struggling with, “then why did He let this happen to you in the first place? Was this in His plan for you?”. I don’t have a great answer for that other than that since the dawn of time, free-will has existed and since Eve and Adam first sinned, there has been evil in the world. Unfortunately, it happens to good people.

I do know that no matter what has or will happen to me, His love for me is bigger. He will take every bad thing and turn it to my good. Why? Because that’s just how much HE loves Me.

My name is etched in the very palm of His hand and my name is continually on His lips. (Isaiah 49:16 & John 10:28) His thoughts toward me are as countless as the grains of sand. (Psalm 139:17-18)

I had moments, and continue to have moments where I am overwhelmed by the very thought of being raped. Sometimes, I still can’t wrap my brain around it. It’s still surreal sometimes. Others, it’s very, very real.

It’s taken a great deal of counseling, support, prayer, and healing to be where I am. I know where my help cometh, and it comes from the Lord. Every day, I am reminded of the brutal violation that took place in my life, so with the Holy Spirit’s guidance and persuasion, I had a tattoo of a promise placed on my arm. Every time I look at it, I’m reminded that no matter what happens in my life, my Father promises to bring beauty from my ashes. Especially when that’s all I have to offer Him. Just ashes from a charred soul. He heals it and makes it beautiful. Exquisitely beautiful.

I have learned far too much through this experience to share in this one post but now that it’s out in the open, I will speak more freely about it in posts to come.

I will share this though: Every woman who shares her story of survival with me, heals something inside me. I pray that it is the same for her.

I am so grateful for a Savior who loves the way mine does, who heals wounds that go so deep, they are beyond words, and casts out fear and leave peace and wholeness.

Please know that if you are a survivor, you are NOT alone. You’re welcome to share your story with me privately if you so desire. Like I mentioned, there’s healing in communication. 

For every victim out there, please know, there is healing...  There is a Father out there who desperately longs to heal your wounds and restore your heart. 

He longs to make beauty from your charred ashes.

Be blessed in Jesus’ name!