So Where's Complaining Getting You?

My guess is, nowhere productive.

Proverbs 13:3 (NLT)

³ Those who control their tongue will have a long life;
opening your mouth can ruin everything.

  

Everywhere we go, people are talking and interacting with each other.  You can tell a lot about a conversation and the people behind by the words they choose, their tone of voice, and body language.

It never ceases to shock me at the way we talk to our loved ones sometimes.  Even in heated moments, I’m still shocked at the way we speak to our spouses, significant others, parents, and worst of all, our children.

I’ve been just as guilty of this as anyone.  In fact, one of the biggest regrets I have about my marriage is the way I spoke to my husband.  There were times that I was just downright mean and hateful.  I tried to blame it on his selfishness and me just trying to get my point across, but there really is no excuse for the disrespect I continually showed him.  What started out as just harsh words rapidly turned into screaming.  All. The. Time.  We couldn’t go a day without getting into it for one reason or another and there were always doors being slammed and yelling.  Our home was not a peaceful place, and definitely not a safe place.  I found myself trying to escape our home just to get some relief.  All because of the way we communicated (if you can call it that) at each other.  We didn’t talk with each other, we talked at each other.

Psalm 64:3 (NLT)

³ They sharpen their tongues like swords
and aim their bitter words like arrows. 

So many times I hear parents talking to their children in condescending tones out of frustration.  This breaks my heart- even more so when a parent is just flat hateful and intentionally hurtful with their words to their child.  The person they’re supposed to love more than anything in the whole world.  I, too, am guilty of this.  There were times with my step-daughters that I was short and condescending and yes, even hateful.  Fortunately, I learned to be gentler with my communication with them and we developed a healthy relationship.

A couple of weeks back, I was sitting in traffic with my truck running (duh), the windows up, and the radio blaring when I heard someone screaming.  I turned off the radio and looked around thinking there was trouble somewhere and there sure enough was.  This guy in the next lane and one car ahead of me was going ballistic in his car screaming at a female passenger.  It was horrifying.  The girl just sat there and took it.  He was flailing his arms around and at one point, it looked like he might hit her.  I looked over at the truck next to me (behind this maniac’s car) and the guy had the same expression of horror on his face.  I considered what to do.  I didn’t think I should get out of the car and go over there, but I didn’t think I could handle him hitting her in my presence either, so I laid on my horn.  I guess I was hoping with the diversion, she would wise up and get out of the car.  She didn’t.  But other cars caught on and start blaring their horns at this driver.  He then turned his attention toward us and off of her for the moment.  It was the only thing we could do to intervene than pray.  As I was picking up my phone to call the police the truck next to me showed me that he was calling... Needless to say, it shook me up.

The point of all of this is: our words can be destructive or constructive.  You’re either putting someone down or you’re lifting them up.  God says that our tongues can cause life or death.

Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

²¹ The tongue can bring death or life;
those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

We tend to excuse our words and actions on others, stress, or our current circumstances, but the bottom line is, we ultimately make a choice on how to use our words.

I know that when I'm stressed and anxious, my words are less guarded and sometimes a little careless.  I know that in moments of anger or frustration I'll be especially short and inadvertantly hurtful. 

 

I'm dealing with this right now.  At this very moment, I'm more stressed and anxious than I've been in a while... added responsibility at work, very difficult semester, knee surgery and recovery, my aunt passed away and I'll miss the funeral, and the usual: money, body image, the norm.

For a while, I just whined and complained (to those that had to suffer through that, I apologize) and all that did was make the situation worse and my stress levels go higher.

So, I made a decision: I have to change the way I handle my life! 

 

Let's face it, even on a good day, life is stressful.

I know that there are others that have a heavier burden to bear than I do and I don’t have to bear this alone.  Nothing I’m dealing with is a surprise to God.  My Father knows my needs before I do and His hand is in everything.  Even when it feels like the walls are caving in.

I have been so tremendously blessed through everything I’m dealing with and by the people in my life.  I seriously have the best people, the best church, and the best Father.  Everything really is working together for my good.  In the midst of chaos, there is always beauty.  You just have to look for it and appreciate it.

 

As for myself, I choose to speak life over my circumstances, no matter how stressful and out of my control they might be.

So from now on, I’m doing my best to guard my words and just stop complaining.  For those that know me really well, I’m a realistic individual who just calls it like I see it, so this will in some cases, be a drastic change for me.  I pray that before I speak, I listen to the Holy Spirit.  Am I always going to nail it?  No, because I’m human, but with the Holy Spirit’s guidance and a little (or a lot) self control, I’ll get better at it.
Let me encourage you to think about this, take it to heart. 

How do you speak to your spouse?  You know, the person you’ve chosen as your forever? 

How do you speak to your children?  Even in heated moments and frustration?  Are you building them up and guiding them in the right direction, or are you putting them down? 

Are you speaking life or death over your circumstances?

 

Trust, it all comes down to trust.  Do you trust your Father to take care of you? 

It’s definitely something I need to work on…

John 16:33 (NLT)

³³ I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.

But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

 

Be blessed!

Pamela