I Like Big Brains and I Cannot Lie... (Part I)

Some of you may have noticed that lately I’ve been posting on Facebook more and more about dealing with migraines and even going to neurologist.

I think now is a good time for some information to come out.

When I was a baby, there was an accident involving a babysitter, a ceiling fan blade, and my head. Needless to say, I got a skull fracture and had brain surgery to repair it when I was 10 months old.

The surgeon believed that over time, the plates in my skull would come together and fuse over the wound and I’d have no further issues.

Until I hit about 17, I didn’t. At 17, I began having debilitating migraines and went to a neurosurgeon to have it checked out.

An MRI revealed that when the plates grew together, the thin membrane around my brain (the Dura) got caught between the plates and caused a gap in my skull which created a Cerebral Spinal Fluid (CSF) leak.

That all means this: I have a hole in my head and I leak spinal fluid (which we all produce daily) on a continual basis which causes low pressure headaches. These are very painful and I experience them every single day. These are different from migraines.

I went to a Neurologist yesterday and found out that it is quite possible I also have actual migraines from a separate (unknown) cause.

At 17, the magic cure was this: the surgeon could put a Formica (think counter tops) plate in my head to protect my brain, repair the fracture, and stop the leak, thus putting a stop to my ‘migraines’.

However, by this time, I had turned 18 and was able to make this decision for myself.

In all my infinite wisdom at 18, I opted not to have brain surgery (& shave my head) and just kind of put it out of my mind. Meanwhile, I’ve suffered with migraines for the last 15 years.

Over the last 6 months, the symptoms have become more frequent-going from once every couple of months to at least once a week, and I can’t remember the last time I had a day without pain. It was more than 15 years ago for sure.

I always have a headache. There is never a time that I am not in pain to some degree. Some days the degree of pain is more manageable than others. Most days, I can totally handle it, others, it’s completely debilitating. Unfortunately those days are becoming more and more frequent. The pain is now completely out of control. Up until now, I haven’t been on any migraine medication or steady pain medication to control the pain. If I’m being brutally really upfront and honest, I’ve probably self-medicated with alcohol and tons of Motrin™ for years.

I have made the decision to finally fix this problem.

I have decided to have brain surgery to repair the fracture and stop this madness.

I would also like to add that this is not just about the pain, I’m at an incredible risk for infection (meningitis), and it’s extremely dangerous to have my brain exposed like it is; currently there is a gap in my skull where my brain is only protected by a thin layer of membrane (Dura), a thin layer of tissue, skin, and hair.
It is truly an act of God that I have never had an infection or been hit in the head. If I were to be hit in the head in that spot, it would more than likely be fatal because of the location of the gap.

I went to my first neurologist appointment yesterday to start this process. I am now on migraine meds to take on a regular basis, and meds to use in case of emergency (out of control type of migraines). I had new MRI scans done today to take to my surgeon because my previous scans are 15 years old.

I am writing this blog not to gain sympathy, or to even get public opinion, but my hope is to encourage those that might be dealing with chronic pain that they are not alone.

If through this journey I can point others to the Father for a deeper relationship with Him and to gain their strength from Him and not themselves, then I want to do that. My goal has always been and will continue to be to inspire others to recklessly trust God with every facet of their lives.

I have a tremendous amount of support and encouragement helping me along this journey. I want to document my feelings, emotions, fears, joys, hopes, and just flat out miracles so that I can really express how much God is showing off throughout this process.

I can see more clearly than ever that His hand has been on my life literally from day one. An accident that should’ve killed me, at the very least disabled me, has had little impact on my life until now.

So many times, the enemy has literally tried to take my life and God’s hand has been right there, protecting me, guiding me, and bringing me to this place where I’m being stretched further than ever before and my faith is growing daily. I’m being taught to be compassionate and exercise more grace towards myself and towards others more than I ever have before.

This is a terrifying and exciting journey. I cannot wait to see how God uses this to add to my already amazing testimony. He will get all the glory for this!

Be looking for more posts because I will go into detail of just how God brought me to this point in my journey- this is just the tip of the iceberg…

He is so good. In every way, in every circumstance, He is constantly making my ashes beautiful.

Be blessed, y’all!

Pamela Hill

 

Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)

To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.

In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

Isaiah 49:16 (NIV)

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls

are ever before me.