Psalm 45:11 (NIV)
11 Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord.
11 Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord.
Very recently I had an event occur in my life in which I just felt ashamed. It felt like I had taken a few steps forward and then a huge leap back.
I was crushed. My heart was so broken because I just knew that He had to be as disappointed in me as I was in myself.
Well, that was lie.
It wasn't a huge leap back, it was a little stumble backwards, and I hadn't fallen so far that I was out of my Father's reach.
Has that ever happened to you? When you were trying to live a holy life and you just slipped and did something you knew in your heart wasn’t pleasing to Him?
Because of this experience, I have an even deeper, more real knowledge of His grace.
He ransomed me that day, like so many other times.
I was born into a life of sin, one that I continued to live into adulthood. A life of sex, drugs, alcohol, violence, rage, anger, depression, thoughts of suicide, inadequacy, hopelessness, and disappointment.
I was captive in that life. I couldn't get out of my own accord. Nothing I did seemed to even lessen the pain that I was caught up in. I certainly tried everything that the world offered, more drugs, sex, alcohol, and the list goes on. I was raised in church, I knew all about Jesus and I knew His word, however, a bunch of head knowledge doesn't make me 'know' Him. I knew of Him, but I didn't know this 'savior', and for many years, I didn't quite understand what I was actually being saved from. I thought all Christians dealt with this life and that by just going to church, well, that'd get me into Heaven and it would all be a lot better there. I knew that others struggled, but I thought that was just how it was supposed to be. You pay your tithes, you spend your hours working for the Lord at church, and you said your ‘amen's’ at the appropriate time to support your pastor.
I still didn't really know my Savior. The One who ransomed me Himself. I heard a preacher use the word ‘ransom’ to describe what Jesus had done for him. It stuck with me even though I didn’t really understand the deepest meaning of what he was referring to at the time.
Sure, I knew that I'd been saved from going to hell and all, but what else could I have been saved from?? I needed to be saved from my life.
Even as a Christian, I needed to be rescued from the life I had built for myself. I loved the Lord and I served Him, but I still didn't know Him. I constantly struggled in so many areas of my life with addiction and desperation and most of the time, I felt so alone.
But then, something incredible happened. Mercy reached in to save me...And it was so beautiful.
Talk about an enlightenment…
I was finally able to grasp the concept of real grace.
Believe me when I say that I’ve had my share of moments when it was impossible to look at myself in the mirror out of shame and guilt. Thankfully, it’s not about what I see when I look in the mirror, it’s not about how I feel about myself, or even how I view myself as a person. It’s about what HE sees when He looks at me. When my Father looks at me, He sees Jesus, in whom He is well pleased. He sees grace and mercy. I can’t earn the love that He has for me by doing good works, living a certain way, acting a certain way, or even by saying the right things. He freely gives it to me.
This is a relationship, an intimate relationship; He knows the crevices of my heart, soul, and spirit and nothing is hid from Him. And He loves me the same.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made and He is enthralled by my beauty! (Ps. 45:11)
Now, I walk in a freedom that I’ve never really known before. There’s grace and mercy as payment for my sins. They pardon my guilt and shame. Because of His grace, and His mercy, I’m able to live a life that is pleasing to Him. It’s with His strength that I’m able to finally be happy and free from condemnation and legalism.
Why doesn’t the church talk about this?? Isn't this ransoming what salvation is really all about?! All my life, I've been taught that salvation was living by a set of rules that were impossible for most to live. Salvation was something that you had to earn and work hard to maintain. For most, hell is a far off distance from where they are right this instant, the life they're leading right now (a religious life maybe?), is probably what they really need to be ransomed from.
My savior is only a cry away. He hears me because He's right there with me, leading my every step.
It’s about relationship people, NOT religion. Going to church every time the doors are open don’t make me a Christian any more than going to Alaska makes me a penguin (somebody has to get that!).
My prayer today is that whether you find yourself in a place where you need to be ransomed or not, that you have the realization that God is real, and He desires an intimate relationship with you. He created you for Himself, but you must choose Him.
He wants to be your everything, because you are His whole world.
Blessings!
Pamela
