Not so much anymore. With every invitation I began to realize that while those options were appealing, something was lacking. I know that I'm at a place in my life where I want more. I need more. Fortunately for me, I have been blessed with incredible friends that understand and embrace that for me.
Yesterday I was talking with a good friend about his plans for New Year's and he mentioned that it was his time to reflect on the previous year's missed opportunities, things he could've done better, and things that he did well. He also used that time to really nail down some goals for the coming year and just be with the Lord. A quiet, intimate time of reflection.
It was like something just clicked. This completely satisfied a desire I didn't even realize I had for New Year's Eve. Granted I couldn't go up into the mountains like he does and do this, but this is exactly what I had been craving. Time alone to just focus on the things that needed to be focused on and just be with my Father is exactly what I need.
For the last several months, I've prayed and prayed that I would find my wholeness, my fulfillment, and my satisfaction in Christ alone. That my devotion and my whole heart would be with my Father. I believe that I'm finally beginning to see the fruits of that labor. It excites me, this coming year. Normally I hold the average amount of hope for the New Year, but this year, I have expectations.
In October, on my birthday to be exact, God revealed some really awesome things to me: that this next year of my life will be one of blessing and prosperity in so many areas of my life, that all the things that the enemy stole from me will be returned to me 1,000 fold, and a greater intimacy with my Father than I've ever known before.
What's ironic about this is that I actually dreaded turning 30 this year for a long time before it happened. I have a friend that's 6 months older than me tell me that it's all the building up that comes with it and then when you actually turn 30, it's pretty anticlimactic. For me, that wasn't the case. I actually felt myself change a little bit once I hit 30 and I feel like my new year actually began then.
I've struggled so much since my divorce and I am so excited to see all the heart wounds that my Father has healed in me. Things that I thought would never be repaired are finally healed and whole again.
So, this New Year, I'm embracing it. I cannot wait to see what God has for me. I can't wait to hear what He wants to say to me.
I know that one of my goals will be to express to others in some way that God is not this far-off, untouchable being that's just waiting for you to mess up, but a Father, who desires an intimate relationship with His own. And that we are by adoption, His own, and He desires US.
Happy New Year and I pray that whatever our Father has for you, that you seek it, that you run after it, and that you embrace the goodness that He has for you.
Blessings!!
~Pamela
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you
and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
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