After Steubenville: 25 Things Our Sons need to know about Manhood (Reblog)

If you don't know about the Steubenville story, you can find it here:

Steubenville Rape Case

The events at Steubenville really hit close to home for me. Not only did it repulse me, but it throw gas on the fire inside me that aches for wounded women. This young lady, most definitely has some serious wounds to deal with now. Fortunately, we have Savior that is more than able to heal those wounds and make her whole. I pray that people are placed in her life that will point her toward that healing.

No doubt that these young men also have heart wounds over this, and Jesus is more than able and more than willing to heal these young men also. I pray that He uses this for their good, and that a testimony of His grace and mercy is built to further the Kingdom.

A good friend of mine, Ginny Couch posted this blog post on Facebook yesterday and after reading it, I felt compelled to share this as well. I think it's important, especially to those parents raising sons, but I also feel like daughters need to realize as early as possible how the Father regards them. If they don't know how their Heavenly Father regards them, how will they ever have high enough standards of how boys/men should treat them?

Please take the time to read and if led, share this blog post.

Things that happened in Steubenville happen far more often than we realize, and with a little perspective and awareness, we can raise up men and women that don't tolerate incidents like this.

After Steubenville: 25 Things Our Sons need to know about Manhood

Be blessed and pray over your children daily!

So Where's Complaining Getting You?

My guess is, nowhere productive.

Proverbs 13:3 (NLT)

³ Those who control their tongue will have a long life;
opening your mouth can ruin everything.

  

Everywhere we go, people are talking and interacting with each other.  You can tell a lot about a conversation and the people behind by the words they choose, their tone of voice, and body language.

It never ceases to shock me at the way we talk to our loved ones sometimes.  Even in heated moments, I’m still shocked at the way we speak to our spouses, significant others, parents, and worst of all, our children.

I’ve been just as guilty of this as anyone.  In fact, one of the biggest regrets I have about my marriage is the way I spoke to my husband.  There were times that I was just downright mean and hateful.  I tried to blame it on his selfishness and me just trying to get my point across, but there really is no excuse for the disrespect I continually showed him.  What started out as just harsh words rapidly turned into screaming.  All. The. Time.  We couldn’t go a day without getting into it for one reason or another and there were always doors being slammed and yelling.  Our home was not a peaceful place, and definitely not a safe place.  I found myself trying to escape our home just to get some relief.  All because of the way we communicated (if you can call it that) at each other.  We didn’t talk with each other, we talked at each other.

Psalm 64:3 (NLT)

³ They sharpen their tongues like swords
and aim their bitter words like arrows. 

So many times I hear parents talking to their children in condescending tones out of frustration.  This breaks my heart- even more so when a parent is just flat hateful and intentionally hurtful with their words to their child.  The person they’re supposed to love more than anything in the whole world.  I, too, am guilty of this.  There were times with my step-daughters that I was short and condescending and yes, even hateful.  Fortunately, I learned to be gentler with my communication with them and we developed a healthy relationship.

A couple of weeks back, I was sitting in traffic with my truck running (duh), the windows up, and the radio blaring when I heard someone screaming.  I turned off the radio and looked around thinking there was trouble somewhere and there sure enough was.  This guy in the next lane and one car ahead of me was going ballistic in his car screaming at a female passenger.  It was horrifying.  The girl just sat there and took it.  He was flailing his arms around and at one point, it looked like he might hit her.  I looked over at the truck next to me (behind this maniac’s car) and the guy had the same expression of horror on his face.  I considered what to do.  I didn’t think I should get out of the car and go over there, but I didn’t think I could handle him hitting her in my presence either, so I laid on my horn.  I guess I was hoping with the diversion, she would wise up and get out of the car.  She didn’t.  But other cars caught on and start blaring their horns at this driver.  He then turned his attention toward us and off of her for the moment.  It was the only thing we could do to intervene than pray.  As I was picking up my phone to call the police the truck next to me showed me that he was calling... Needless to say, it shook me up.

The point of all of this is: our words can be destructive or constructive.  You’re either putting someone down or you’re lifting them up.  God says that our tongues can cause life or death.

Proverbs 18:21 (NLT)

²¹ The tongue can bring death or life;
those who love to talk will reap the consequences.

We tend to excuse our words and actions on others, stress, or our current circumstances, but the bottom line is, we ultimately make a choice on how to use our words.

I know that when I'm stressed and anxious, my words are less guarded and sometimes a little careless.  I know that in moments of anger or frustration I'll be especially short and inadvertantly hurtful. 

 

I'm dealing with this right now.  At this very moment, I'm more stressed and anxious than I've been in a while... added responsibility at work, very difficult semester, knee surgery and recovery, my aunt passed away and I'll miss the funeral, and the usual: money, body image, the norm.

For a while, I just whined and complained (to those that had to suffer through that, I apologize) and all that did was make the situation worse and my stress levels go higher.

So, I made a decision: I have to change the way I handle my life! 

 

Let's face it, even on a good day, life is stressful.

I know that there are others that have a heavier burden to bear than I do and I don’t have to bear this alone.  Nothing I’m dealing with is a surprise to God.  My Father knows my needs before I do and His hand is in everything.  Even when it feels like the walls are caving in.

I have been so tremendously blessed through everything I’m dealing with and by the people in my life.  I seriously have the best people, the best church, and the best Father.  Everything really is working together for my good.  In the midst of chaos, there is always beauty.  You just have to look for it and appreciate it.

 

As for myself, I choose to speak life over my circumstances, no matter how stressful and out of my control they might be.

So from now on, I’m doing my best to guard my words and just stop complaining.  For those that know me really well, I’m a realistic individual who just calls it like I see it, so this will in some cases, be a drastic change for me.  I pray that before I speak, I listen to the Holy Spirit.  Am I always going to nail it?  No, because I’m human, but with the Holy Spirit’s guidance and a little (or a lot) self control, I’ll get better at it.
Let me encourage you to think about this, take it to heart. 

How do you speak to your spouse?  You know, the person you’ve chosen as your forever? 

How do you speak to your children?  Even in heated moments and frustration?  Are you building them up and guiding them in the right direction, or are you putting them down? 

Are you speaking life or death over your circumstances?

 

Trust, it all comes down to trust.  Do you trust your Father to take care of you? 

It’s definitely something I need to work on…

John 16:33 (NLT)

³³ I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.

But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

 

Be blessed!

Pamela

Ashes From A Charred Soul...

 

I am Brave.  I am Holy.  I am Royal.  I am Beautiful.

I am a daughter of the Most High God.

My circumstances do not change how my Father sees me, who I am, nor the plans He has for my life.

Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)

³ To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

 

I’m a pretty blunt and straight forward person, and mostly, that’s a positive thing in my life. You generally know where you stand with me because of this trait; however, some things need to be delivered with a hair more tact. A little more gently one might suggest. This is where I struggle.

However, now is the time to be straight forward so please, brace yourself.

What I’m going to talk about is not a gentle thing. It’s not a tactful thing. And, it’s not something that can be said in a soft, sweet, precious way. Sure, you can use ‘professional’ terminology and make it sting a little less and it can cover a multitude of sins, but when you get right down to it, it is what it is.

George Carlin made a statement once (paraphrased)-Psychologists came up with the term, “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” when treating soldiers coming home from war. His suggestion was, (and I couldn’t agree with him more) that if we’d called it what it really was, “Shell Shock”, maybe our boys would’ve gotten the treatment they really needed.

I didn’t always agree with his point of view on various topics, but his views on words and how we use them, I did and still do. Sometimes, you just have to call things for what they are.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

Something else I’m going to do is be vague with the details. They’re not necessary. They’re between me and My Father. He was there and He knows exactly what happened.

So, here goes…

Several months ago, I was date raped.

I was raped by a person I was dating.

It took me a long time to be able to say that out loud. That word, rape. I used the phrase, ‘sexually assaulted’ for a long time. Then, I realized that in order to truly heal, I needed to call it what it was.

Rape.

Such an ugly word.

Such a painful word.

Such a world-changing word.

Rape.

Most people can’t even process what that word actually entails- it’s just too horrible to wrap your head around. Sexual Assault takes some of the sting out and like I said, covers a multitude of sins. Rape is pretty definitive and specific.

For some, I know this is shocking. I won’t lie, it still takes my breath away. Out of the handful of people that know, some have told me that they would’ve never known. Those who know me intimately saw the change right away.

New Year’s Eve of last year, I spent the evening with the Father, discussing the New Year and what that would bring. He made several promises to me last year (2011) for 2012. When this happened to me, I believed a lie. I believed that because something out of my control happened to me, that it forever changed God’s plan for me; that it changed the good things He has for me.

It didn’t. If anything, I am more grateful than ever for the promises that my Father has given me. There are times where I cling to what He’s promised me literally for the air to breathe.
I will forever stand up and proclaim that I KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that He has never left me. Never for one moment was I ever alone.

I know some of you are struggling with, “then why did He let this happen to you in the first place? Was this in His plan for you?”. I don’t have a great answer for that other than that since the dawn of time, free-will has existed and since Eve and Adam first sinned, there has been evil in the world. Unfortunately, it happens to good people.

I do know that no matter what has or will happen to me, His love for me is bigger. He will take every bad thing and turn it to my good. Why? Because that’s just how much HE loves Me.

My name is etched in the very palm of His hand and my name is continually on His lips. (Isaiah 49:16 & John 10:28) His thoughts toward me are as countless as the grains of sand. (Psalm 139:17-18)

I had moments, and continue to have moments where I am overwhelmed by the very thought of being raped. Sometimes, I still can’t wrap my brain around it. It’s still surreal sometimes. Others, it’s very, very real.

It’s taken a great deal of counseling, support, prayer, and healing to be where I am. I know where my help cometh, and it comes from the Lord. Every day, I am reminded of the brutal violation that took place in my life, so with the Holy Spirit’s guidance and persuasion, I had a tattoo of a promise placed on my arm. Every time I look at it, I’m reminded that no matter what happens in my life, my Father promises to bring beauty from my ashes. Especially when that’s all I have to offer Him. Just ashes from a charred soul. He heals it and makes it beautiful. Exquisitely beautiful.

I have learned far too much through this experience to share in this one post but now that it’s out in the open, I will speak more freely about it in posts to come.

I will share this though: Every woman who shares her story of survival with me, heals something inside me. I pray that it is the same for her.

I am so grateful for a Savior who loves the way mine does, who heals wounds that go so deep, they are beyond words, and casts out fear and leave peace and wholeness.

Please know that if you are a survivor, you are NOT alone. You’re welcome to share your story with me privately if you so desire. Like I mentioned, there’s healing in communication. 

For every victim out there, please know, there is healing...  There is a Father out there who desperately longs to heal your wounds and restore your heart. 

He longs to make beauty from your charred ashes.

Be blessed in Jesus’ name!

Today, I Am Thankful...

 

"I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving,

And will call upon the name of the Lord."

Psalm 116:17 (NKJV)

 

Today, as I sit going over my bills, I’m discouraged.  I work so hard and it just isn’t enough some days and for anyone that’s been there and done that, it can be really disheartening.

However, I realized that I have a choice here.  I can either be discouraged or I can be truly thankful for what I do have.  The word says to count our blessings so that’s exactly what today’s post is about.

I love this time of year and I hate the fact that the retail world has tried to completely bank on the Christmas holiday and overlook Thanksgiving altogether.  In my opinion, Thanksgiving should the most celebrated holiday of the year- yes, I love celebrating my savior’s birth, but think about it- I’m thankful for it.  I’m grateful for it. 

So, as therapy and a good reminder for myself, here’s my list…

·         I’m thankful that I have 2 jobs when there are some that have none.

·         I’m thankful that I can work more hours when I need to.

·         I’m thankful that while I might not be able to eat out as much as I want to, I still have plenty of food in my cabinets, even if it’s not what I really want to eat.  There are others that do not.

·         I’m thankful I have a bank account.

·         I’m thankful for direct deposit and bill collectors that are willing to work with you on due dates.

·         I’m thankful that I have clean clothes to wear and that some of them are too tight- means that I’ve had plenty to eat.

·         I’m thankful that I have my own little fan club of doxies that meets me at the door every time I walk in like they haven’t seen me in too long; even if I have just taken the trash out.

·         I’m thankful that Chest is anxious to be fed- it shows that he trusts me enough to know that I will take care of him.

·         I’m thankful that Daisy craves cuddle time with me on the couch and that she gets as close to me as she can. 

·         I’m thankful that their love for me is unconditional, even when I don’t have enough time to just be with them.

·         I’m thankful that I’m able to go to school, while one of my classes is a drag sometimes, I get to have dinner with a very special lady every week before that class and we can endure it together.

·         I’m thankful for student loans (ugh) without which, I wouldn’t be able to go to school.

·         I’m thankful for my grown up job- the benefits are amazing and I work with a good, albeit eclectic group of people.

·         I’m thankful for a boss that doesn’t breathe down my neck or belittle me on a daily basis; I know folks who work in hell every day and I’ve done it myself.  Not fun.

·         I’m thankful that I have heat and electricity and water in my house and that I can afford to keep them all turned on all the time.

·         I’m thankful that I don’t have any serious health issues.

·         I’m thankful that I have my family.

·         I’m thankful that I have two moms and while they can’t be together and it makes my life difficult sometimes, I’m grateful that I have two women that love me and want my time and attention.  So many don’t have their mothers anymore.

·         I’m thankful for the memories and good stories I have of my dad.

·         I’m thankful for friends that keep me on track and keep me encouraged.  I’m thankful that they’re more than understanding about school and work and my psychotic schedule and that they don’t forget about me when I don’t have time for them.

·         I’m thankful for spiritual influences that continually point me to the Father, even when I just want a simple answer to my questions.

·         I’m thankful shoes.  They make my heart happy.

·         I’m thankful for my Father.  I’m extremely grateful that I know who I am and just how important to my Father I am. 

·         I’m grateful that my name is written on the palm of His hand.

·         I’m grateful for salvation, grace, and mercy that never ends.

·         I’m grateful for freedom from religion and legalism.

·         I’m thankful for freedom of speech and the ability to express myself.

·         I’m grateful that there is no condemnation in them who serve the Lord.

·         I’m grateful to live in a free country where I still have the right to vote.

·         I’m thankful to have the knowledge that even if the leadership of my country is not doing what I think they should, my God is still bigger than anything that may come against me.

·         I’m thankful for the ability to ‘do’ my life.  It takes a great deal of stamina and patience to do what I do on a weekly basis.

·         I’m also thankful that by the end of the year, it won’t be so hectic.

·         I’m thankful for coffee.

·         I’m thankful for friends that keep me laughing every time I talk to them.

·         I’m thankful for random texts from people that I love.

·         I’m thankful for birthdays and the fact that I’m still 29. J

·         I’m thankful for wine and yes, a nice ice cold beer.

·         I’m totally thankful for pie and cookies.  And chocolate.  And fat.  So thankful for fatty foods.  Like Pizza.

·         Really thankful for pizza.

·         I’m thankful that I have so many people in my life that need and want my attention.  I know there are many who are lonely.

·         I’m thankful for music!

·         I’m thankful for movies that move your soul.

·         I’m thankful for puppies.

·         I’m thankful that my list is so long and continues to grow.

·         I’m thankful that I know that no matter how bad things look today- there’s always tomorrow.

·         I’m thankful for the healing of old wounds.

·         I’m thankful for a sense of humor that allows me to laugh at past mistakes.

·         I’m thankful for being able to trust.

·         I’m thankful that I was able to get the one thing I wanted on Black Friday and I didn’t even have to bite anyone to get it.

·         I’m thankful that at the end of the day I’m exhausted, because I know I’ve done something productive that day to warrant that exhaustion.

·         I’m thankful that on Thanksgiving I was so full I was miserable; it means that I had too much to eat.  Many did not.

·         I’m thankful for stretchy pants.

 

"This is the day the Lord has made;

We will rejoice and be glad in it."

Psalm 118:24 (NKJV)