Wednesday, February 18, 2015

When All Hope Seems Lost…

John 16:33
“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

Isaiah 61:3
“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.”

So here I sit with my glass of wine and my coconut cake – with my heart aching a little.
I’m no stranger, I’ve been here before, especially over this last year.  I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t cleared out many a wine bottle and kept the Pepperidge Farm people fully employed with benefits.
It’s not the end of the world, not by a longshot, but sometimes, life just seems a little hopeless and just a little too hard.
We all get that way sometimes, I think- surely I can’t be the only one that ever feels like my world is spinning a little out of control and I’m weary and tired of trying to hang on.

Tonight I feel like certain things will never work out for me:
  • I’ll be single forever
  • I’ll never be enough to please my wounded mother
  • There will never be full restoration in my family
  •  I’ll never have enough- I’ll never be truly valued to the degree that I should be
  • I’ll never have the discipline to be as healthy as I want to be
  • Nobody likes me, everybody hates me – bring on the worms!

And the list just goes on and on; in other words, a pity party.
These are all things that I feel in my heart.  There was a time in my life not that long ago where these feelings would’ve buried me.

Fortunately, I know how to climb out of this funk, but I also know there can be healing in the funk.  Sometimes, your heart just needs to grieve.  The safest place to do that?  God’s presence.  Not just His word, but His actual presence.  Become like Mary and just sit at His feet, put your head in His lap and pour your aching heart out.

You might argue that He already knows your heart; sure He does, but He wants that kind of relationship with you- the one where you trust Him enough to actually talk with Him.  He longs for that fellowship with you.

So do it- get alone with God and pour your heart out, get it all out and sob, ugly cry, and just sit at His feet.  Be angry, be sad, be hurt, be disappointed, be whatever emotion you’re feeling right then and tell Him what’s on your heart- the good, the bad, and the ugly.  He’s a great big God- He can handle your words.  What’s more, He wants to handle your heart- your accusations, your disappointments, He wants all of your burden.  He wants to comfort you in every way that you need comforting.

I know from my own experience, it’s in those heart-rendering times that He tends to speak the most profound things to me.
See, usually, while I’m pouring out, He’s pouring into me.  Man, I am so grateful for that.  When I’m emptying myself out, He’s filling me full of Him.  So often, this is the place where new revelation is born.  He speaks to me, and always, always reveals a new aspect of His love for me.

I started this evening out hurting, just kind of beat down- but I remembered the game-changer: Just because I feel something, doesn’t make it true (thank you Shawna for that wisdom).
Just because I don’t feel something, doesn’t make it true either.  Just because I can’t feel God working in my circumstances, doesn’t mean that He’s not- in fact, just about the opposite is always true- He’s working overtime, and change is coming.
Just because I feel disappointed or hopeless doesn’t make it true. 

Jeremiah 17:7-9
“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.
The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked.
Who really knows how bad it is?”

Don’t believe the lie that you must stay in the funk.  Don’t buy into the feelings (or facts, whatever the circumstances might be), wholeheartedly believe the truth.
For me- it looks like this:

Feeling (Facts)
Truth
    I’ll be single forever
God has promised to provide a husband He created just for me; He also promised me a family of my own

I’ll never be enough to please my wounded mother

I am not supposed to be enough; He is the only One who can heal her heart
There will never be full restoration in my family

God is the God of restoration; His word never returns void and He promised to restore it years ago
I’ll never have enough- I’ll never be truly valued to the degree that I should be

He is my provider; He not only values me, He delights in me
I’ll never have the discipline to be as healthy as I want to be

His grace is more than sufficient for me; I can do all things with His strength
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me – bring on the worms!

I am not to be conformed to this world – His opinion of me is ALL that defines me- He calls me righteous and beloved

Life is just hard and God knows it’s hard.  That popular saying that God doesn’t give us more than we can bear is a lie- God wants to bear it for us.

If you’re struggling- He’ll meet you right where you’re at, right now, just get before Him and let it all out.  He longs for you…

Blessin’s Y’all!

~Pamela

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