“For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:19
Well- I did not fall off the planet.
I mean, sometimes, it feels like I did, but alas, my faithful 4
followers- I did not disappear completely.
Turns out, I was right- they do have The Facebook up here, they use The Internets,
and they do have cell phone coverage.
Where do I begin??
First off, the bed & breakfast thing did not happen, just
wasn’t God’s timing- however, that was not the purpose for why I was coming
here- I came here simply because God called me to minister to the people here.
The treacherous drive up here was soul-changing.
It took me and the dogs 2 days to get here. I was pulling an extremely full U-Haul trailer
with an exceptionally full truck. Twenty
(yes, 20) hours of driving and 3 pukey stops (poor Chester) and a constantly
peeing mommy (I have fantastic kidneys!) – we made it.
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| Before the vomiting ensued... |
During that drive I experienced every emotion possible. I was in awe of how beautiful this country is
– shocked and irritated at how extremely WIDE Oklahoma is, and just how long the non-tollway highway in
Kansas is. (FYI- there is NOWHERE to stop
and pee in Kansas. No. Where. Not even a bush. Seriously, y’all; take the tollway, it’s
worth the ten bucks.)
I was angry at the important people in my life that just couldn't accept that I had to be obedient to God's call, sorrowful for the best friends I was leaving behind, excited for a new start, and terrified for too many things to name here.
When I first got here, we lived in Rice Lake, Wisconsin- by ‘we’, I
mean, Lisa and Charles Jett. They have
been gracious enough to take me in and help me get on my feet.
I was there for 3 weeks – Charles and Lisa had purchased a home
about 2 hours away in River Falls so I stayed in their awesome RV until we
moved (again).
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| Secluded, homey, and so relaxing - except for the bears. |
The night before we were to move to River Falls, tragedy struck. I was loading my truck, for the move –
getting all my junk out of the RV, when I missed the bottom step and broke my
ankle and foot in 2 places.
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| Could not have happened at a worse time. |
I went from being a fully functioning adult to someone who wasn’t
able to go to the bathroom by myself.
For. Real. Y’all.
Talk about being taken down a notch or 10. I will never be able to thank Charles and
Lisa enough for how graciously they helped me.
They had to help me do everything all while moving (them and me) to a
new place. They took care of Daisy and
Chester, took me to doctor’s appointments, helped me get around, fed me,
entertained me… and loved and prayed for me.
Because of my injury, I was in bed a lot- less mobile than
usual. I wasn’t really supposed to get
up and do much so I had a lot of time to think.
This was my hardest time- besides, Charles and Lisa, I had no one. I had no job, no church, no friends, no
people at all. I could feel myself going
down emotionally. This is when I really
started the grieving process… I was mourning the life I had in Texas.
When I first moved here, it felt like I was on a perpetual vacation
– that wore off pretty quickly.
About 2
weeks before my final doctor’s appointment, I began
job-hunting. I got an interview for a
company in St. Paul.
The interview itself was really interesting- it was less about my
actual skills (my resume speaks for itself, I guess) and more about what my
purpose up here was. I was sort of
grilled about my ministry views and I began to realize that this wasn’t so much
about a job, it was more about what I was really doing up here. I know from an employer’s point of view, they
were concerned about me getting homesick and leaving, but I know from a
spiritual point of view, I was in some unknown territory. It was good though- it really helped me
define what I was doing here. Bringing
people to freedom in Christ.
Shockingly enough, they offered me the job and I started there on
July 1st, got my walking boot off on July 2nd, and moved into my new townhouse
July 3rd. Whew! Talk about going from sitting in my bedroom
catching up on Gilligan’s Island to being a grown up in a matter of a couple of
days!
For those of you that actually know geography (I do not so no judgement here),
I live in Wisconsin and work in Minnesota- it’s only about 40 minutes from
where I live.
Let me state something here… Dallas drivers are nothing compared to
Minnesota drivers.
Oh. My. Cow. Welcome to the
Passive/Aggressive capital of the Universe.
I got cut-off by a cop!! These
people don’t wave, don’t use blinkers, don’t even give you the finger, they
just cut you off and assume you’ll move out of the way.
I also went from driving 4 minutes to work one way, to over an hour (some days)
one way – white-knuckling it all the way to work. J
Needless to say, this has been an adjustment.
So far, since I moved here in May, I’ve been back to Texas twice-
both were short trips for ministry purposes and I’m about to come back in
October for a couple of days to serve at Tres Dias.
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You can take the girl out of Texas, but you'll
never take the Texas out of this girl! |
I’m pretty positive this will be my last trip to Texas for a while. It’s expensive and I have to board my dogs
while I’m gone – which can get super pricey in a hurry.
I miss Texas. So much. I miss my life there- my job, my house, my
friends, my family and it’s been so much more difficult than I could have ever
imagined.
I feel like I’ve been in this constant state of grieving since I
moved here. I realized that part of my
problem is that so far, I’ve been living here but still trying to maintain a
life in Texas. The problem with that is,
I don’t live in Texas, I live here.
I must create a life here. Until I
manage to do that, it’s just going to be hard.
That is also part of the purpose of waiting so long to come back to
visit – I need some distance. I keep
finding myself counting down the days until I get to go back home and that is
no way to be present here.
This has to become my new home.
To be quite honest, that’s been a painful revelation.
I had a great life in Texas but I have to be obedient to what God is calling me
to- right now, that’s up here. I have no
idea what the future holds, and I have no idea where it might take me but I do
know that I have to trust Him.
I don’t fully understand what I’m doing up here, and some days, I really
question why I’m here and He always reassures me that He’s got it all under
control.
Starting a new life somewhere else might seem exciting, it might seem like a
great new adventure, but what most outsiders fail to see, is that it comes at a
cost. At least for me.
I’ve sacrificed a career that I loved, I’ve lost some friendships,
I’ve sacrificed some potential romantic relationships, and I’ve even lost a
relationship with an important family member because she just wouldn’t accept
my decision to move.
Some may even be shocked to learn that this has made me softer- more emotional
than I think I’ve ever been (or maybe it’s the hormones?! Lol). There hasn’t been one day since I left that I
haven’t cried at some point or another. (I’m now that lady at the airport that
cries at check-in, you’re welcome) Sometimes it’s sad, sometimes, I’m just dealing
with my life.
This has changed me- I hope for the better, but being brought to a place of
humility like I have, has taught me so many things about myself.
Not the least of which is this: it’s not about me, it’s about Him, and it’s about
what He wants.
I want His best for me and if this is what it takes to get to it, then so be it.
And don't even get me started on how they talk up here......
More to come…
Be blessed, y’all!
~Pamela
