Forgiveness - Ugh, Do I Have To?!

Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

*Insert whiny voice here*

Forgiveness is not my favorite topic of discussion.  It is unpopular, it’s not fun, and it is usually painful. 

It’s also one that reminds me of where I am sure to fall short.  That being said, it's on my heart today.

Over my lifetime, I’ve had many unpleasant things happen to me, many people have hurt me, wounded me, and done things to me that most would agree are unreasonable to forgive.

There was a time in my walk with the Lord that I tried to rationalize with Him about forgiveness (haha, yeah, I’m going to ‘reason’ with the Creator of the Universe, right).  I’d say things like: “Well, Father, I’ve already forgiven these people that hurt me this way, so because I forgave them for such a big thing, I should be given a free pass on this one who just hurt me a little bit.”

Uh, God doesn’t work that way. 

Harboring unforgiveness is like holding onto a hot curling iron and not letting go.

Eventually, it will destroy that thing that holds it.

You can tell yourself all you want that it’s not as hot as it seems and it’s not as painful as it looks, but the truth is it’s destroying the tissues in your hand.  Once you’ve initially grabbed hold of that curling iron, whether intentionally or not, it’s surprisingly hot and it’s likely to leave a blister that may go away on its own. 

However, the longer you hold onto the hot iron, the deeper the burn will go and the more likely it is to leave a permanent scar.

Every time you look down, you’ll see that scar and be reminded of that particular wound.

It’s the same way when people wound us.  Usually, at first, we’re surprised that they hurt us and it may only take us a short time to realize that we must let go of that hurt and forgive them.  It will probably leave a small (if at all) trace of what happened.

On the other hand, if we choose to hold onto that hurt, the deeper the damage to our hearts, and sometimes our souls.  This leaves a permanent abrasion so that every time we face that abrasion, we remember those who wounded us and the hurt spreads like a infection, ultimately destroying us.

Unforgiveness does nothing but create additional pain, resentment, bitterness, and is the stealer of our joy, thus sapping our strength and health (Nehemiah 8:10).

Maybe you’re the person that needs forgiveness.  We’ve all been there, and as long we’re living and breathing on this earth, we’ll always be in a position where we’ll need forgiveness from others.

There have been things in my life that I’ve had to forgive myself of: adultery, not being good example of what a Godly woman is to my daughters, being deceitful, being prideful and entitled, and being malicious and spiteful when it suited me.

Sometimes the person that is the hardest to forgive is yourself. 

I heard someone remark today that they were going to seek peace about an individual that wronged them by going to church every Sunday. 

While going to church is a good, healthy way to enhance your Christian walk, it will not bring you lasting peace.

We live in a world that is craving true and saturating peace; a peace that this world cannot give them.  They are yearning for something that will heal those permanent wounds in their lives and are crying out.

Instead of just pointing people to ‘church’, we should be pointing them to Jesus.

I advised this acquaintance of mine that church is good, but if she wants real peace (& the ability to forgive this person), she’s only going to find that in an intimate relationship with the Father and quality time spent in His presence.

Asking for and giving out forgiveness is not something to be taken lightly.  God certainly doesn’t and He expects us to make it the top priority in our lives. 

Mark 11:25 (NLT)

 “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”

Matthew 6:15 (NLT)

“But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

As a Christian, we not simply asked to forgive, we’re commanded to do it, Peter asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive his neighbor, and Jesus’ reply was seventy-times-seven. (Matthew 18: 21-22)

Okay, that’s math I won’t do and I’m too lazy to keep track, so I’m just going to go with, I’m supposed to forgive them every time they wrong me.

Does that mean that I have to continue to have them in my life if they’re causing severe damage?  Does that mean that I have to continue having a relationship with them? 

If the Lord has released you to kick them to the curb, do it, but with Godly love.

I know that forgiveness is hard, and I know that there are most certainly things and people in our lives that we, in our own strength, simply cannot forgive.

That’s where our Father comes in.  It is with His strength and His ability that we’re able to do that.  It is only with His love that comes permanent healing and forgiveness is what paves the way to that permanent healing we're so desperate for.

We cannot be healed if we do not forgive.

Proverbs 17:9 (NLT)

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven,
but dwelling on it separates close friends.

Forgiveness and restoration go hand in hand, you cannot have one without the other. 

Unforgiveness creates a separation between you and someone else and prohibits true relationship.  No matter how miniscule the offense may be, for a time, there is separation and your love may become conditional.  Exercising true forgiveness creates restoration between you and the offending party and opens the door for unconditional love.

When you break a bone, it is said that when it heals, the bone is stronger that it was before it was broken.

I know that my God is more than capable of doing just that in relationships between His people.  I’ve seen it work in my own life.

Most importantly, forgiveness is not a feeling- it's not something we do when we 'feel that we are ready'; it's a commandment from God.  It's an act of sacrificial obedience.  We have to give up something - more often than not, control and stubbornness, in order to fulfill our obligation to God.

Is there someone in your life that you deem as unforgivable because of the hurt that they’ve caused you?  Maybe you feel that they are unworthy of your forgiveness? 
Despite the circumstances, when we sincerely forgive others who have wounded us, we are reinstated to freedom from that particular wound. We are no longer in agreement with what that hurt tells us to feel or how to act, we are able to choose our actions and not be ruled by that hurt any longer.  No matter what transpired or how deep that hurt goes, God promises to use it for our good.  He says that He uses everything, all things; not ‘some’ things, but all things for our good.

Romans 8:28 (NLT)

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

God’s a pretty smart guy like that, He knows what’s best for us and that harboring hurt and unforgiveness does nothing but poison us.  He says that He’s come so that we may have life and more abundantly- He wants us to be free and healthy, therefore, we must forgive those who hurt us.

I know that I fall short in this area but I am confident that I am a work in progress.

Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

 Let me encourage you today that if there is someone who you need to forgive, but you just can’t seem to do it in your strength, take refuge in the knowledge that you were never meant to do that on your own.  You have the power through your spoken word to exercise forgiveness through your Father.
Ask Him for help- ask Him to give you what you need in order to forgive.

He’s just waiting for you to cry out and ask for help. 

He’s anxiously waiting to hear from you. 

You are important to Him.

This is Matthew Wests' song and testimony about "Forgiveness" and can be found here.  It really blessed me.