John 16:33 (NLT)
33 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
Ever have a revelation about someone so awful it actually feels like a physcial punch to your gut? Ever had someone hurt your heart so badly and unexpectedly that you just can't wrap your head around it?
That's where I am right now. In shock and awe at how much we can hurt the people we love so much.
A person I never dreamed would hurt me has just hurt me to my core with her self-centeredness and inconsideration. And I'm just flat blown away.
When you've been hurt so deeply that it changes your relationship with that person forever, what do you even do about it? How do you move past it?
My life has been filled with one tragedy after another since the day I was born. Even as a newborn, I witnessed things firsthand that should've damaged me for the rest of my life. Throughout my world, I've experienced pain that almost only a Kennedy could relate to, but I've always been able to smile.
People ask me all the time how I'm able to experience these losses, painful experiences, and the deepest heart wounds and not have it cripple me. The truth is, it's not me that's doing it.
People on the outside of my circle of trust (thank you Robert Di Niro) don't see the times where I'm not smiling, where it's hard enough to just get out of bed, let alone function, and the times where I just can't stand on my own. Believe me when I say that I have those moments more than I care to admit.
So, how do I do it? It always amazes me and saddens me a little when fellow believers ask me this question with sincerity. The answer is plain, simple, and not something we talk enough about.
I go to my Father.
I go to my Father and I lay my head in His lap and weep, sob, scream, whatever I have to do to get it out. I get alone with Him.
By nature, I'm a worshipper- that's my love language with Him. I love to worship. Mostly though, I think it's affects are really where the high is... see, worship brings about the presence of God. (Ps. 100:4) Being fully emmersed in His presence is where true healing take place.
Sometimes, praise and worship is truly a sacrifice... When I'm hurting and wounded, giving thanks is the last thing that my flesh wants to do. My flesh wants to come bursting through His gates throwing around blame, accusations and just flat tattling. Certainly not giving thanks in my situation and "counting it all joy". However, coming into His presence with praise and thanksgiving is the only way that I'm going to be made whole again. Truth be told, it's not for Him that I come in with thanksgiving in my heart, no matter how battered, bruised, and sometimes crushed it is, it's for my benefit. It forces me into a different perspective. His perspective. It points me to Him. Our pain can actually be what restores us to the Father if we've walked away from Him. Sometimes it takes us being in pain to finally turn our face to Him.
In His presence, I'm made whole. I'm healed. The wounds of my heart are healed and my sorrow is turned into rejoicing.
That, is the only way that I'm able to get up and face my life. The person that I am when I leave His presence is healthier than the person who first entered.
I know that as long as I'm walking this earth, I will be faced with trials and tragedies to overcome, but I also know that as long as I'm able to enter into His presence, I'll have the strength, stamina, and joy to endure. My favorite little piece of knowledge? He's overcome the world. It's already done. And my Father will always use my pain for my good, and hopefully someone else's too. My prayer is always that His joy will flow through and out of me, even in the midst of adversity and pain.
Let me encourage you in your time of pain and suffering to get into His presence as often as you can. That is where you'll draw your strength, your wisdom, guidance, healing, and whatever else you might need. You can't get what Abba gives you any other way. Get into His word, He loves you so much and He delights in showing you His heart through His word too.
He's the Great Physician, Counselor, Prince of Peace, Mighty Rock, He's I Am.
He's everything you could ever need and more.
Even in the deepest pain, there can be wholeness.
Blessings!
~Pamela
