He rescued me because He delights in me…
Psalm 18:19
Today, I’m having a tough
day being single.
It might sound foolish to
some- and those some would be ones that are probably not single, but for those of us who have been single for a significant
period of time (and a couple of months does not count here), you probably know
exactly what I mean.
Some days being single are
a breeze, even a preferred way of living, and other days, it’s just a drag. Some days, you just long for companionship. You just long to not come home to an empty
house and no one to kiss goodnight.
Sometimes, you just want someone to eat dinner with and watch crappy TV.
Every day is not like this
for me, today just happens to suck a little bit. These days tend to come whenever I have some
catastrophe at home, like right now, my a/c is out in the living room. It would be nice to have someone else to suffer
with ;) and to have to deal with the fiasco of repair people and the landlord
so the burden doesn’t fall on just me.
Have you ever felt that way?
I want to tell you
something about myself, because if you don’t know me, and you don’t know my
heart, you’re starting to have thoughts like the following about me:
·
The right one will come
along, you won’t be single forever, you just have to find him. (The last I checked, he wasn’t hiding in the bushes
or at Wal-Mart and if he’s a missing person, then we should really call someone
about that.)
·
Maybe you’re meant to be
alone (Maybe so, but man, that stings a little! Is it really necessary to say this at all?)
·
This too shall pass (one of
my favorites, so vague it could take on many meanings)
·
At least you don’t have any
drama (uh, excuse me, no a/c in 100 degree heat creates drama!)
·
You don’t have to share the
remote control! (Hello, I don’t share it otherwise)
·
You can eat out every night
if you want to! (Right because take out all the time is awesome and cheap)
·
Remember how miserable you
were in your marriage? Do you really
want to re-live that? (This one was stated to me recently and I honestly couldn’t
think of a not smart-eleck-y way to respond to this. God has promised me a healthy, happy, and
God-centered marriage. They’re not all
bad!)
·
At least you have two
precious puppies who love you and are excited when you come home every day! (My
dogs freakin’ rock and they’re beyond adorable, but let’s be honest here- if
you think dogs equate your God-Custom-Made husband, you’re delusional and have
bigger issues than you are admitting.)
·
Just be patient, it’s all
in God’s timing. He knows what’s best.
(Yes, He absolutely does, but it’s still okay for me to feel a little sad that
that moment isn’t now.)
Here is something really
important to know about me:
I absolutely,
recklessly trust my Father to bring my husband into my life.
I know that my husband is
out there, and God knows exactly where he is (he’s not a missing person or
Waldo) and His timing is perfect. I also
know that I’m a human being, with human emotions, and it’s only natural that we’ll
feel a little lonely from time to time.
It’s not an everyday
feeling and for that I’m grateful. I can
see how it would become and obsession, and at one point in my life, it was- I
was on a mission to find a husband.
A husband. Not the husband. Not the one that God created just for me.
So I’m a little lonely
these days- I have an ex that’s getting married soon and several others that
are settled in satisfying relationships.
Know what? I’m exceptionally
happy for them! I’m not jealous at all,
maybe a little sad that I’m not also getting married or expecting any children
soon, but certainly really excited for them.
Like I said, I’m human, and
that’s my soul talking. (Note: Your soul is actually your mind,
will, and emotions) I will not be run by my emotions.
Something else you need to know
about me:
I absolutely,
recklessly trust my Father with my life.
I trust Him in every area
of my life. When I choose to, I can be
in His presence any time. I don’t want
or need a husband to satisfy my loneliness.
I have a Heavenly Father
who cares for my every need and want. He
delights in me. He longs for me to be in
His presence and He is completely fulfilling to me.
I trust that my
Father only wants good things for me.
I know that my God is for
me, not against me. I know that it hurts
His heart when mine is broken. I love my
Father and I know that this time that I have on my hands right now, is
completely His time. Not to say that
will completely change once I am with my husband and family, but it will
some. There are only so many hours in a
day and so many demands that a family brings- my relationship with my Father
will not diminish, but the amount of time that I’ll have available to spend
with Him will change.
I guess you could say that
I have a love/hate relationship with singleness right now. I love that I have so many opportunities to
share infinite and unique love for me; I love that I have time to take
advantage of those.
I’m grateful that I don’t
have the distractions that a family can sometimes bring- I have the attention abilities
to actually plan out times when I speak at events.
I’m grateful that I have
friends that I can spend time with if I want to and that they will point me to
spending time in my Father’s presence when I’ve had enough of feeling this way.
I am not looking for a man
to make me happy- Jesus has already done that.
But having someone to take me to dinner and a movie and mow the yard
once in a while would be great.
To sum up, I’m not unhappy
being single but it has it’s downfalls.
I know that God has my very best interest at heart.
I also know that if one
more person quotes Jeremiah 29:11 to me, I might actually scream.
Blessin’s y’all!
~Pamela
