Today I've all but found myself begging God to speak to me. It's been a while since I stopped to listen and I'm desperately seeking Him. His words. His voice.
And then I realized something I always knew was on the surface. Today I find myself being critical.
Ouch.
There's someone that I deal with on a constant basis that doesn't live her life the way I think that she should. She doesn't take personal hygiene or consideration of others the way that I do. But do I really consider others the way that I should?? I don't think that anyone would be offended of my personal hygiene, but other than that, do I always consider them?
I'll be honest with myself here, I'm not being considerate of her.
I've reached a point where her hygiene is such a problem for me (and many others) that it's dictating how I view her in all other ways. For instance, her phone is too loud. She has this obnoxious ring tone on her cell phone that goes off multiple times a day and it irritates the crap out of me. It sits right next to her and she doesn't need it turned up so loudly. In my opinion. The way that she deals with people irritates me. Mostly because customer service is not her calling, but with her odor and appearance, it's a horrible representation of our workplace.
But instead of praying that I could view her the way our Father does, I'm being critical. Instead of praying that whatever heart wound is causing her to be this way, or whatever mental illness is causing this, to be healed, I'm being ultra critical of her shortcomings.
That makes me sick.
I asked God to speak to me and give me divine revelation about whatever He wanted to speak to me about today and this is what came to me. I will admit that I'm ashamed. I used to 'pride' myself on being able to look past people's appearances, but as it turns out, it was just pride and not my actual ability.
Thankfully, my Father loves me enough to gently humble me. Thankfully, I'm learning this lesson (hopefully) to it's fullest extent with very little pain on my part. I see grace that once again, has been abundantly given me, therefore, I must pour out onto others. Specifically, this woman in my life.
Today, I will pray for her. I will pray for her heart, her mind, and her spirit. I pray that the Holy Spirit will begin to place a desire within her to seek the Truth. To seek out her heavenly Father. I will also pray that she finds Him and embraces and develops an intimate relationship with the Father.
I pray that in her dark place, I am able to be a light to her. That she will find the unconditional acceptance of the Father in me.
I will pray blessings upon her and not curses. I pray that she has more joy and peace than she knows what to do with.
Once she's found that, everything else will work itself out. Once those wounds are tended by the Great Healer, there's really nothing else that I need to do for her.
For those that have known me to be critical of her, please find my apologies, I have been a poor example of Him.
I pray that others follow my lead and pray for those that they've found themselves to be critical of.
Even though this was a harsh realization, I appreciate it. I'm not where I want to be, but I am right where I'm supposed to be. Growing pains are just that, growing pains. I'm moving forward and digging deeper into the relationship I have with my Father, and for that, I am forever grateful.
Many blessings to you!!
~Pamela
